I am SMARTER than an APPLE

Holy Fuck

2010-11-12T20:30:00.001+08:00

God HOLY fucked Mary and gave birth to Jessus Christ, the HOLY Son of God.

Mitsubishi Evo vs Girls

2010-11-08T22:21:00.001+08:00

One day driving down a highway with a friend in my car and saw a Mitsubishi Evo 8 (or 7) and i racked up a random dialogue and narrate it to my friend, spontaneously...

Me: Oh, I WANT EVO! Oh EVO♥, can i have you?

Evo: Oh course you can have me~~♥ All you need is cash ♥. Just like getting a girl~~

Me: OH YEAH~~♥....So can i have fun with you?

Evo: Of course you can have fun with me~♥. Just like any other girl you can have fun with~~..

Me: err...i can fuck with girls, but how can i fuck you? =.='''

Evo: All you need to do is 'drive' me hard~~♥...

(friend interupts: shut up and drive)

Me: oh yeah~~♥ I'll 'drive' you hard. I'll 'drive' you 'till you can't take it and you'll scream for more~~

Evo: VROOM psh VROOOOM psh~~~~~ VROOOOMMM!!! psh-pop-pop-pop (after-burner exhaust noise)

(friend interupts: can you just shut the fuck up!?)

Me: okay.... Err, is it this exit?
Friend: Ya lah....you and your Evo shit....

Please Don't Bring Back Racism

2010-08-28T17:26:00.004+08:00

Malaysia, pathetically, is still a race-based and religious-based government. But we always know our history why is this so. Let's look back for awhile.

When the British occupy our then Tanah Melayu, imigrants came because of them. In order to deter political uprising, the British decides to split the three main races in the country. The Indians will focus on labour and rubber industry, the Chinese were mainly merchants and businessmen while the Malays will focus on politics and governance. The three races were even seperated by schools. Thus, it wasn't possible to unite and overthrow the occupation.

When the Japanese came, this racial organization was further magnified. The Japs will slaughter any Chinese they find ugly, the Indians were pushed further into rubber and the Malays were fed with propaganda. Then, the Parti Komunis Malaya (PKM) rose and fought against the Japs. The PKM was one of the very foundations of racial unity. Almost for the first time, officially, people of different races unite to fight off the Japs; either in guerilla offensive way, politcal methods (which include hyprocricies) and various other ways (that i don't remember).

Once the Japanese homeland was bombed by Albert Einstein's invention, the British took over. Then begun the first war on terror against the PKM. This was the second foundation of racial harmony, built upon the PKM's foundation, to unite all races and fight against terrorism.

But the racial unity does not date until there, it was dated all the way back during Parameswara times. Malacca became friends with Chinese merchants; Sultan Mansur Shah married Putri Hang Li Poh; Malacca and China exchanged 'gifts'; The Arabs came and spread Islam; Arabs took Malacca as their second home; Malacca's foreign policy was so open and friendly that people from all over Asia took it as the second home. Our ancestors can be traced back to the Arabs, China, Indonesia, Indo-China and even Portugal. The intake of foreign asian races during those times was the root of our multi-cultural and multi-ethnic society. We are very proud of this fact.

But we also know very well that when foreign powers came in, our unity was broken. We will always remember that the foreign powers who came and make a mess are our real enemies. We should not be disillusioned to make ourselves enemies of each other.

After Merdeka, everybody enjoyed the racial unity. The non-bumiputras agreed to the special rights of ethnic Malays because after all, the land was rightfully theirs and they should be responsible to take care of it. Still, we were harmonious. Nobody was called a raced, but everybody was called a Malaysian!

Until recently, some people took things too far. Some Malays are blinded and disillusioned by the fact of quota and special rights. They became so blind that they begin to believe that non-Malays are imigrants, occupying their land, challenging their rights and they should be chased out of their Tanah Melayu. I'm a Chinese and I beliece that these people are disillusioned by racist politicians.

You see, there is also a lot of problems with our politicians. They becamse racist because they want money and power (God knows what Mahathir did). This is why corruption and racism come together in Malaysian politics. Upon covering their abuse of power, they raise the special rights issue and scare those who tried to challenge them and favour those who feed them. This special rights was being abused by our dirty politicians.

These people, until today, have successfully brainwashed ad blind folded the Malays into believing into special-rights and Malay supremacy. Like all ideas, this 'blindness' will spread like a diseases and if we don't take of this disease, ethnic conflict will happen.

We can see many issues about a small group of Malays voicing out hate speech and expressing Malay special rights supremacy. These people are clearly blindfulded by their very own government. Those who has seen the world, knew what is going outside our home and understood our own history just kept quiet. This is because we, the people who are open minded and NOT BLINDED (who hae clear vision of things) are threatened by the politicised special rights.

Personally, I respect the special rights very much. But i hate it when our politician politicise it and abuse that power to favour themselves. When ethnic clashes do happen, it is those dirty politicians will gain benefit and flee at first hand (God knows what Mahathir will do in the future). So fuck you Ibrahim Ali....

This is by the smartest person on the flat surface of the earth!!!!

RM440,000 per CCTV

2010-08-11T23:45:00.001+08:00

I read the news on The Sun on August 10, 2010. And i saw the following article.

Try to read the article, or you can see from another link in Yahoo News. Now, I enlarge the part highlighted in yellow:

My dear Malaysians. Can you believe it? Let me repeat again in caps: FIVE MORE CCTV will be installed involving a cost of RM2.2 MILLION! That’s RM440,000 per CCTV! That’s is where all you tax money went.

Let me put this on a scale. A conventional CCTV, weather proof, wireless room-to-room, HD CCTV camera cost about RM600. The receiver and monitor combo may cost you up to RM1500 or more. So total up for one CCTV is about RM3000. If used in the city for surveillance, at most it’ll reach RM10,000 per CCTV. But our government man Dr. Rais said our CCTV cost RM440,000 per CCTV. So what so special that it cost RM430,000? That’s YOUR TAX MONEY!

Let’s put on another scale. If we used police patrollers to patrol around Putrajaya. Each cop is paid at an average RM1200 per month for lower levels. Guess how many cops can you pay for each CCTV’s price tag? Then, multiply with 5 of those numbers. You can employ up to 1834 policemen in a month, or 50 policemen for 36 months!

Police Diraja Malaysia, how you wish these money is given for your pay rise.

There’s more! The Government allocated RM344million for all these bullshit CCTV that doesn’t cost fucks.

Remember someone you know who bought a Spanking new BMW or a Mercedes Benz? Those 300% tax went into these CCTV. Tell your friends to go to Putrajaya and take home one CCTV. It’s rightfully yours.

The best part is that the government PUBLICLY PRACTICED FRAUD AND CORRUPTION YET WOULD ANNOUNCE IT GLEEFULLY. This is the only country in the world where the Government got the balls the size of Earth to practice corruption and PUBLICLY announce it on multiple news! MALAYSIA BOLEH.

If you support Malaysian Government, YOU ARE AN APPLE!!

Left 4 Dead 2 Blowjob Poster

2010-07-26T17:55:00.001+08:00

It was found in the Left 4 Dead 2 campaign, Dead Centre. The started, i walked down the stairs in game and found this picture on the wall (IN GAME!). The same picture appeared on somewhere else in the game.

Ironic. Midway fending off zombies, there comes this blowjob thing.

What’s wrong with my pc? It’s getting horny…

It Reaches Back To Me. Say No To Vengeance

2010-06-16T01:45:00.001+08:00

My good friend, a Pretty Female (she recently became single, but forget it) became single. It ended earlier than i expected because i know very well her ex is not serious in this. Still, the Pretty Female (let’s call her PF, Problem Face) accepted the proposal of a relationship. She knew this wasn’t serious and she said she wanted to have fun and try it out. I said, ok then, go ahead, don’t go too deep.

Few months later, she went deep and at that point the ex (let’s call him X) broke up with Problem Face. In other words, she actually developed feelings for X. Then, suddenly it was over. Pretty sudden though.

X might be a jerk, but who cares. Not that you wanna care. I don’t care either. Still, it reaches back to me.

I took her, with another good friend, for a spin and swim later in the evening. She cried after the swim. She said she cried throughout the night and unable to sleep and she cried again in the evening with us this time.

Its heart wrenching to see someone broke down to tears all of a sudden. What she been through reminds of my experience. It reaches back to me. I somehow feel very sorry for her. I been through it myself. (yeah, i’ve been dumped by a girl, don’t laugh, LOL. But the dumping process took longer than a simple sms. It goes a long way.)

It’s the third time that someone close to me is going through the heartbreak. And for all those three cases, they resort to vengeance.

Once they have their heart broken by an ex, the are sad. Very sad. That’s for sure. And to make it feel better, the short term solution is resort to vengeance.

I hate the idea of vengeance. However, I had that slightest idea of vengeance when i was (finally) dumped. But all it takes to release the emotions is songs written for the heartbreaks (Coldplay’s X&Y and My Chemical Romance) and a few pages of rants that i wrote in Microsoft Word 2003. After that, i feel better.

Only then i realize there is a better world than vengeance. Once i’ve managed to put it all behind me, i realized that vengeance only makes you bitter, darker and emotionally unstable. I don’t like that. I understand why vengeance is one of the 7 sins.

For some time, PF will be going through the pain. She may think it’s hard to get back up again but don’t worry. She will get help from many. I want to reach out to her as how this thing reaches to me. I don’t want another person resort to vengeance. It’ll be hard to turn back.

Note: Problem Face has a double meaning. PF means face problem (a word of bully or poking fun). PF also means FACE YOUR PROBLEM (with a positive attitude.) SAY NO TO VENGEANCE!

True meaning of BMW: Banyak Makan Wang

2010-06-08T23:05:00.001+08:00

I truly understood BMW’s costly-ness. Here are the few things that are seemingly conventional and cheap parts that could cost you a bomb. I’ll compare it with price equivalents of the conventional things that you use and consume cheaply everyday. I’ll put it in pictorial form.

Item 1: Bosch Wipers

= x 4 sets

= x 3 people x 7 days

Item 2: BMW Badge Logo

= ( + ) x 7 days

Item 3: AC Schitzer BMW Rims 17” 225 x 4 wheels

= +

Item 4: Tires size R17 225 H45 for 4 pieces

= x 6

Item 5: 2.0L Replacement Engine for 320i E46

= + sea freight chargers + unspecified waiting time

Get the picture?

General Living Patterns of a University Student

2010-06-08T09:37:00.001+08:00

First year: Mark down significant chicks and girls. Talk to them and linger around them.

Second year: Steady with University life, start tackling the marked targets based on trial-&-error.

Third year: Once gained a successful target, things get steady. For those who failed on every trial, that’s it!

True or not, you can observe them by yourself. I’ve seen a few samples in my college. So, this pattern is generalized.

Inflation

2010-05-19T20:47:00.001+08:00

30 years ago, u tell your son to be a millionaire. 30 years later, your son became a millionaire, but he is still a poor man. So, your son will tell your grandson 30 years later to be a BILLIONAIRE. Ah, the inflation...!!!

Weapons Police Use Against Suspects

2010-04-29T21:23:00.001+08:00

There is 15-year-old teenager shot to death by a cop. The dead boy’s friend fled on foot. There was some feud on this issue but fear not, i will make clear to everyone regarding the use of firearms against an underage suspect.

The Royal Malaysian Police has a complete array of weapons ranging from semi-automatic pistols (eg. Glock 19, H&K USP and Beretta 92 etc.), Shotguns (eg. Benelli M3 super 90 etc.), assault rifles (M16), submachine guns (H&K MP5), sniper rifles, machine guns, grenade launchers and other non-lethal weapons. Different weapons will be used against different class of suspects.

Now, the first class of suspects will be the underaged teenagers. Teenagers are mostly rebellious, hyper-active, have the need to try new things, aggressive, knows the internet, dumb and weak. These youngsters most probably knew how to home-make a bomb and make other melee weapons. They would love to run around as well. Therefore, a semi-automatic pistol is adequate to handle these type of suspects. They are too weak to fight the cops and too dumb to know how to escape. Therefore, fire a few shots of a pistol is good enough to handle such suspects. On the case of the killed 15-year-old, the cop probably used a pistol and shot him 4 times. That’s reasonable because he only used a modest pistol.

The second class of suspects will be the young adults aged 21 to 30 years old. These young adults are physically stronger, matured and has higher IQ (which means they are smarter). Besides having adequate life experience, they also have the capability to think and devise situations to their favour. Given that they knew the internet, they also know how to acquire more skills and techniques. Thus, the police will need a better weapon, the H&K MP5 submachine gun. It’ll fire 13 bullets per second. So in case the young adults try to do anything nasty, the MP5 will stop them in 13 bullets in a second, reasonable to halt any complicating attempts to hit a cop.

The third class of suspects will be the full grown adults aged 31 to 55 years old. These are the most dangerous suspects. Few examples are Osama bin Laden, Adolf Hitler, George W. Bush and Joaquin Guzman. These people have gone through many things and have plenty of knowledge, experience and brains. These features are complimented with high physical capabilities. Thus, they can do virtually anything. To handle this class of suspects, an assault rifle is the best and most powerful weapon of choice: the M16. These rifles are once used in the army as well as counter terrorism forces around the world. Therefore, it is the most ideal weapon to handle those bastards. Sometimes, sniper rifles, grenade launchers and other special weapons are required incase situation gets worse.

The fourth class of suspects are the senior citizens aged 55 and above. These people are weak, fragile and have plenty of illness. Most common illnesses are heart attack, high blood pressure and stroke. Since they are already weak and ill, they hardly pose a threat to the police petrol. In case they do, a non-lethal weapon is the best option. The best, ideal non-lethal weapon for the police is their grand and merry COCK! It’s non-lethal and it is naturally born on male police. The ultimate method of use will be to flash it at the senior citizens. When the old suspects saw it, they either get too excited or too shock to comprehend. Either way, it will lead to a chain reaction where by their hard attack occurs, high blood pressure burst their veins and they caught stroke instantaneously. Under these circumstances, they will either survive and live on the hospital for the rest of their lives or they die. Thus, the ultimate COCK is non-lethal and non-violent means of handling senior suspects.

I hope this clears the sky of yours. I hope you understand why the police killed the 15-year-old brat.

Dexter’s Laboratory The Big Cheese Parody with some Politician

2010-04-14T22:46:00.001+08:00

Laugh (or at least a smile)…

Courtesy of Dexter’s Laboratory episode The Big Cheese and Al-Jazeera. And not forgetting the Malaysian politician who don’t talk shit and warned us not to.

Vote for Politicians of Adultery! Hail Adultery!

2010-04-13T17:35:00.001+08:00

This is old news. 28 March is the Malaysian Chinese Association held its election. It doesn’t matter if some people wanted to make a fuss out of Ong Tee Keat, but most importantly: DR. CHOA SOI LEK IS THE NEW MCA PRESIDENT.

He has a scandal. He was caught in a video committing adultery. He was the pornstar, the main porn actor, of a porn DVD secretly recorded in a room. It was his favourite room to commit adultery.

Other politicians around the world would step down in disgrace for adultery. But in Malaysia, that is not the case. If you commit a scandal, your star rating will shoot up sky-high. You will be famous and you talk more bull-crap to safe-guard your career.

Dr. Chua’s case is rather amusing. He was the then Health Minister in Malaysia. When the sex scandal DVD showed up, he refused to resign. In the end, he resort to resignation. We thought that was man enough to admit and feel guilty about it. We were wrong. He said he made a mistake, he should have used another room… Hmm, maybe i should use the toilets instead.

Dr. Chua returned to politics once the heat has died down and ran for presidency of MCA. Once again, we thought he will lose out because he has an adultery scandal. Who would wanna vote for adultery.

28 March 2010, we were all wrong again. There ARE people who love adultery. They voted Dr. Chua to be the president. hmm…

I have no true reason why he won it but i can tell that CHINESE MALAYSIANS love adultery. As a warning to the ladies, DON’T MARRY A CHINESE MALAYSIAN GUY. He’ll cheat ANYHOW, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, COME WHAT MAY!

But if you love to be cheated, just like the voters of Dr. Chua, then i would encourage you to marry a Chinese Malaysian. Because if you do that, you can be a superstar just like Dr. Chua. And not forgetting Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim… (oops, did i spill the beans?)

I think i wanna be a Malaysian Politician, a CHINESE politician; so that i can cheat my wife and get as many mistresses as i like and still be able to keep my job, or by chance, a pay rise or the presidency.

Remember, marry a CHINESE MALAYSIAN. Not Indian Malaysian or Malay Malaysian.

Earth Hour is for Sex

2010-03-26T12:00:00.003+08:00

27th March is the Earth Hour. We will off the lights at 8.30pm to 9.30pm. Perfect timing to have sex.

When everybody off the lights, it's pretty good timing to do it in the dark. So, let's enjoy the earth hour and have. Let's get SEXY TIME while saving planet earth!!!

Merry Sex-ful Earth Hour

Fucked Up Country

2010-03-09T00:08:00.002+08:00

You sit your car, driving a fucked up national car, a Proton, which is subsidised by a fucked up government who most of the fucking politician eats your fucked up taxes and not fucking doing anything. Then you drive the down the fucked up road full of fucking poothholes and some fucked up driver drive into you fucking lane and almost fucking crash you while some fucked up drivers just fucking road bullies. Suddenly, some fucked up bricks are placed on the fucking middle of the road by some fucked up insane people and you fucking hit it.

While doing it, some fucked up employer just pay fucking low wages. The fucking governement rules taxed up fucking imported goods and you need to fucking pay so much for something that is less. You also need to fucking pay high prices for fucked up fuel. The government still fucking tax you and eats your money which is why they fucking get fat.

Then, there's fucking racial based politics in this fucked up country, Malaysia, with fucked up people who can't do fucking good jobs. Fucking investors wouldn't come to this fucked up country because of the fucked up policies and fucked up infrastructure. Our broadband services are fucking inreliable and fucking costly. What a fucked up country.

But there are many much seriously fucked countries than Malaysia. USA is fucking spending tax money like some fucking tap water on the fucked up War On Terror. It's fucking AIG got fucked by some fucking imaginary financial businesses and caused the fucking global economic crisis. China suffered a few fucking disasters. Haiti was thoroughly fucked up by earth quake and its government is literally fucked up. Iraq is fucked up badly by USA. Pakistan and some other middle eastern countries are totally fucked up by fucking Talibans and fucked up terrorists with their fucked minds stuck in their fucked up ideologies.

England's younger generations are morally fucked up. French people are fucking lazy and closes their shops at 6 or 7pm. Indonesia fucks the Chinese people and their Rupiah is so fucked up that its fucked up. Myanmar is fucked by junta for decades and still fucking SuKyi in her fucked up home. Philipines is fucked up by Arroyo with her fucked up politicians with fucked up militias. Its fucking militias also fucked some innocent politicians and their fucked up innocent relatives and friends and the fucking journalists.

So, Malaysia is a fucked up country. But there are many other much more fucked up countries than Malaysia. In short, all countries are fucked up by fucked up people. So, be happy living i this fucked up country cuz you might not even survivied in other more fucked up countries than Malaysia.

Proudly Announcing: The First Caning of Muslim Women in Malaysia! (we love threesome fetish…)

2010-02-18T01:50:00.001+08:00

The headline on the website of Malaysia’s biggest English newspaper, The Star, shows: Three Women Caned Under Syariah Law

It’s not interesting if this happens in the middle East, but in Malaysia, this is a problem. Maybe long, long time ago, there are far harsher punishment on local Muslims before being colonised and after Parameswara adopted Islam. But after achieving independence, things have changed.

Who needs to be caned by people in public during this modern times? It’ll only discourage reproduction. Today, 3 more women in Malaysia won’t be having sex for the rest of their lives unless they go through sexual counselling course to erase that deep, terrible emotional and psychological impact.

If you read the news article, try to take a look at paragraph 11:

“People are saying that no woman has been caned before and that Kartika should not be caned. Today I am ANNOUNCING that we have already done it (caned women). There is no hidden agenda but we are merely executing our responsibility and we did it according to the law,” words of Home Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Tun Hussein.

WOW! WE’VE CANED WOMEN and we are ANNOUNCING that ‘ACHIEVEMENT’! I’m so proud! Malaysia have so many funny stuff happening! Ha ha ha… For the sake of All-ah and Mu-Slim!

Damn. I feel pity for the three women. They just wanna have fun. If it’s wrong, there’s no need to jail them or cane them then ANNOUNCE it in public, though the names are covered. But think about it, all you have to do is fine them then get them through a healthy sexual and moral counselling. We always know that this is the best way to ‘fix’ the petty wrong-doers.

Besides, it’s only having sex, not raping a guy. It’s people agreed to do it together; a mutual agreement. The way they cane them looks more like robbing their dignity rather than restoring their sense of self-respect. To make matters worse, they even ANNOUNCE their Syariah actions.

For the rest of the ladies’ lives, they won’t be having sex until they decided to abandon their faith and enjoy doing it to help increase Malaysian population. This is because of some faggot took authoritative actions the ANCIENT way with the name of religion and left behind a sorry state of emotional trauma against that faith.

If the authorities decide to use a more innovative and more effective way of doing things, it’s rather be healthy sexual and moral counselling. This is also what the Western people did to restore moral values in a person, and it is proven effective. It is also better than using ANCIENT method of punishment which is no longer effective in modern times. Those methods may even have counter-effects!

Wait a minute. Maybe those ladies love fetish because their men couldn’t do it good enough. That’s why there’s caning. Wow Hishammudin, you really are LADIES’ MAN. You sure know what ladies want!

In short, Malaysia is not mature enough. Just like a kid, there are many funny stories to talk about. Enjoy…

Mindless FAGGOT!!! angry

2010-01-29T00:36:00.001+08:00

I do not understand why some people tend to leave their brains at home or somewhere else in the world. I simply made a light joke/prank and he charged and injured my thumb at our friend’s birthday party, knowing that i came 45km for this party and have to drive home alone.

In case you’re wondering how i made fun of that faggot, let me tell you. He reached the place and wondering where is another friend. i told him to look there, then i said “No, he’s not here. i just simply crap it.”

Just like that.

My thumb swelled and the birthday-boy was kind enough to lend me an ice-pack to minimize the injury, so that i can at least move my thumb (a bit) and drive my car properly for 45km.

If he is a dog, came charging at me and bite my thumb during someone else’s birthday party, i won’t mind because it’s a dog; a dog won’t understand my joke. But that faggot is a human, being what he is: a faggot.

He don’t learn respect at home. He came and messed up my night. I wasn’t even fucking his mom or dad or his siblings or any single part of his fag-body publicly. Why is he out of his mind and act like a dog and not showing any respect? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT FAGGOT?

Oh, maybe faggots act like dogs. His ‘habitat’ is simply a habitat. Nothing more. Nothing being taught there. No respect being taught of. Just a cave. A cave for the FAGGOT.

Ma-lay-sia, can i say ji-had?

2010-01-15T20:46:00.003+08:00

If all-ah is forbidden to be spoken by non-mu-slim in Ma*-lay-Sia**, can i say Ji*-had?

Honestly speaking, i think this is a little shame for Ma-lay-Sia. Everybody in the world uses the word Allah as a reference to God in the Arabic language, why can't Ma-lay-Sia follow the international standard?

This is more or less like engineering. Just to share with you, engineers have some standards to follow in doing tests or designing stuff. For example, we use meters, seconds and kilograms as standard units. These are all in the ISO. However, some countries do have standards of their own, that is if they have strong engineering background. For example, Germans and Americans have their own standards for their respective engineering. Like negative symbol for work input and positive symbol for work output in USA; but its the other way round in Germany.

To see things in the accounting context, most parts of the world follow the ACCA. If you are ACCA chartered accountant, it means you are some bloody good certified accountant that most people in most parts of the world would agree with you even if you bull-shit. But in Japan, even if you are an ACCA chartered accountant, the Japs don't really care. You want to get the Japs recognition, you take THEIR very own accounting tests and get THEIR council to charter you. This sounds more like the case of Ma-lay-sia, but please remember that the Japs do this because they have a very strong financial background, just like the Germans and USA in their engineering field. Japan has the second largest economy in the world, after USA.

So, back to the religious context. Allah means God in Arabic. Jews used it. Christians used it. Many other people who speak Arabic used it. But why Ma-lay-Sia forbid it? Maybe because they chaired the Organisation of Islamic Conference (OIC) in 2007. With that only strong Islamic background, they announced, in 1988, that the word all-ah is exclusively for **Mu**-slim.

Well, they can do whatever they want because it's their country. They can have their own standards of religion. It's the same as USA having their own standard of engineering and Japan their own standard of accountancy.

The highlight came when people burn a couple of churches for they using the word all-ah. Now, THIS is taking things a little too far. Do you see Japanese Yakuza slashing ACCA chartered accountants working in Japan? Do you see USA engineers launching rockets at German engineers working in USA? No. But why people burning churches in Ma-lay-Sia?

This act of Ma-lay-Sia Ji-had is not holy or whatever those vandals call it. It is simply childish, shameful and absolutely a stuff of laugh. What a shame. But i have to respect that, because Ma-lay-Sia's only strong aspect is religion, proudly displayed by the Ji-had vandals and the all-ah rule, nothing else. NOTHING else.

Disclaimer:
*Ma is the person's false name from China. The person's real name is not shown to protect the real identity of the China guy.

**Sia is the person's false name. She is from Thailand and that her real identity is protected as well. In this article, Ma-lay-sia is termed as such because it was Ma who laid Sia at the first place and taunted by his friends in China for getting a Thai hooker. Both Ma and Sia had committed suicide.

***Ji is a young lady in Korea who tried her best efforts to make into the enterntainment scene. She HAD a pet tiger who reportedly ate her.

**Mu** is a false name for an Indonesian guy to protect his identity. He is known to be the slimmest person walking in Jakarta.

Normal Human vs Artistic Human

2010-01-13T21:26:00.002+08:00

This is another test that compares other types of sub-human with normal human beings. Just like experiment 1.1, these two 'samples' are given a subject to respond. The response of the two samples are then compared.

Experiment 1.2

Subject: Mona Lisa Art

Artistic Human: Leonardo Da Vinci is a genius in art. So many meanings and beautiful he has drawn Mona Lisa. What a genius.

Normal Human: I totally agree with you. He managed to draw a picture of what and she-male look like. Looks like a guy, looks like a girl, but yet look pretty normal.

Conclusion
Normal humans may see art as plain as it is. In other words, they merely look on the surface of the art. Whereas artistic humans tend to look deeper into a piece of art, sometimes unnecessarily deeper to the point of using electron-microscopes to observe the art.

The Addams Family

2010-01-05T21:18:00.002+08:00

I love the kids.

Situation A

Two villains fell into a freshly dug coffins and buried underground, with Pugsley Addams and Wednesday Addams standing in between the tombstones holding shoves.

Pugsley : Are they dead?

Wednesday : Does it matter?

Situation B

The Nanny : "Now you just answer one simple question. WHERE is that baby?"

Wednesday Addams : Which part?

Be Yourself

2010-01-05T15:03:00.000+08:00

A : Just be yourself~!

B : Okie.............. Which one?

New Year

2010-01-03T18:57:00.001+08:00

2010. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Normal Human vs. Petrolhead

2010-01-03T18:56:00.001+08:00

Pterolhead are people who are fanatical of cars, a big fan of cars. The following is an experiment on how people, using a normal human being as a reference point, react to a certain.

Experiment 1.1

Subject: A Jaguar

Petrolhead: I like that car. Beautiful

Normal: I like the animal. I saw one in the zoo and it’s nice.

Conclusion

Mainstream normal human being would react to the actual meaning of the subject while the slightly not normal object, the petrolhead, would react different to the given subject. In this case, a petrolhead would think a Jaguar is a car, which is not the subject’s true, while the normal reference human would react correctly to the subject. Thus, in an event of a conversation when these two touched about the term jaguar:

Normal: I’ve a seen a Jaguar in the zoo.

Petrolhead: Wow, jaguars are normally own by rich guys and you seen one parking at the zoo parking lot. He must be very interested in animals otherwise rich guys won’t even be interested in animals.

Chicken-and-Egg Problem

2009-12-19T00:33:00.001+08:00

A: I see that you are a rich guy. Saw you driving expensive cars.

B: Yes. I am a rich guy. I’m rich in my mind. My mind is rich with knowledge and intelligence, which can bring me to success and wealth. A rich mind, rich and every other places.

A: I’d prefer to be rich in material wealth, like money. Because not everybody is born with an intelligent mind. Even if you are intelligent, how many professors are millionaires? Instead, if i born rich with cash, i can buy all the rich minds in the world and make me rich in all aspects.

Curiosity Kills the Cat (Fun with English Quotes)

2009-12-14T23:40:00.001+08:00

One day, the cat was curious. So, it jumped of a building in search for answers and killed…

Library for the Mute

2009-12-14T23:39:00.001+08:00

Library for the mute is the perfect place for the mute to socialise, communicate and make friends. It’s like a pub for the mute…

String of Bad Luck

2009-12-12T02:32:00.002+08:00

A check-list of bad luck:

1. Lost my wallet
2. lost my cash
3. lost my identification card
4. lost my driving licence
5. lost my ATM card
6. lost my ID
7. Drove 400km on half-patched torn tires
8. Lost my car keys in a cave (and found it)

The first 6 items can be categorized as one. And all those are lost when i'm 400km away from my home. They said i should report to the cops and wait for my belongings to return, by any luck, in 7 to 10 days.

So for that 10 days, i had been walking and driving around the streets without any identification documents and driving recklessly without a driving licence. I even drove out during the holy hour, 3a.m., and drove pass some police check points. Thankfully, i have a good faith and the cops could see that. They take a look at my face and in the car and let me through. Or else, i'll spend a night in the lock-up, which is something i have yet to experience.

On point number 7, i was suppose to travel 400km northwards. I sent my car for maintanence 4 days prior. What seemed to be a minor maintanence became a major operation. My engine radiator cooling pipings are all leaking suddenly. So the system had to be fixed and it cost me time and i missed an appointment. Then, when the car finally start to move, i spotted a puncture. That was during the evening.

I managed to reach a tire shop just before it closes. It was found the the tires are worn out badly and too thin to be patched. For a last ditch attempt to get the car going, we made a risky move: patch the punctured tire from the inside. For the next 400km, i prayed that the tire will not puncture again mid-way.

Then, i got my tires changed upon reaching my destination. Then, i joined an expedition through a cave. I only keep my car key with me because it is not possible to carry lot's of stuff and climb through the cave. I checked my pocket after every distance i walked. Until one point, i lost the key. The entire troupe had to go back and search for the key. I safe this part to write in another posting, it's a pretty interesting experience.

Now the wave of bad luck has gone, i have some new experience. Let's hope bad luck doesn't get worse if ever there is a second wave...

Garfield and a Cat

2009-12-09T16:19:00.001+08:00

One day, Garfield was eating. Then came a hungry cat. What will the cat say to Garfield?

Answer: MEOW~~~

Driving

2009-11-26T14:12:00.002+08:00

A: I'm driving my Beemer to travel with you guys.

B: and i'm driving my little Perodua MyVi.

A: Oh, at least it's something. My Beemer is under-powered. Does not have enough power. And my rear tyres are not in good condition. So, don't drive too fast. We need to drive together.

B: If that's the case, i'll be driving until you can't even smell the fumes of my exhaust!

A: Why? Can't you slow down?

B: That's because you'll be infront and I'll be behind you, struggling with the piece-of-shit MyVi...

Prince And A Frog (Short Fairy Tale)

2009-11-26T14:09:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time in a far far away kingdom, there was a Prince Charming who had everything. However, he was not a happy man. He ventured around his kingdom in search for happiness but time and time again he failed.

One day, he saw a frog on a pond. He made a long stare at the frog and pick-up. He kissed the frog and he suddenly became a frog.

Then, he lived happily ever after as a frog....

Once a Moron, Twice a Moron

2009-10-31T01:12:00.001+08:00

This is a real incident. Two guys are bored and had nothing to do. So, one guy had a random thought to cure the boredom a little bit.

A: If i had a gun, i’ll point the gun at my head and pull the trigger.

B: Okay. So, what will you do after that?

A: *dumb struck* I said, i’ll pull the trigger of the gun into my head!

B: yeah~~. So, what you gonna do next?

A: Maybe you don’t understand. Let me show you what i meant. (holds a sign of a gun with his hands, points to his head and yelled). BANG!

B: oh….oh…okay. I understand. So, what will you do after that?

…

Point of View

2009-10-29T09:16:00.001+08:00

One day in Malaysia, person A and B scrolls through the Astro channel in search of a good show. Then, he switched to sports channel where there is a live telecast of the Denmark Open doubles finals:

A: It’s the finals! *excited*

B: Who versus who?

A: I think it is Denmark vs Malaysia.

B: So, which is the Denmark pair, which is the Malaysian pair?

A: The ones with the weird names are the Danish. The ones with the normal and familiar names are our men, Malaysians.

At the same time on the other side of the globe, in Denmark. A two guys stumbled on a channel showing the doubles finals. They were excited but confused and they would say the exact same thing……

What Teddy Fuck (WTF): Can’t reach there himself

2009-10-17T21:02:00.001+08:00

Ong Tee Keat vs. Chua Soi Lek

2009-10-17T20:41:00.001+08:00

Ong: I am the MCA president. You, Chua, cannot challenge nor move me away.

Chua: You are incapable and you are not doing anything for the MCA. It is no use to sit on the position. I will call for VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE!!

Ong: You are in no position to do so. Nobody will follow you because you had a SEXUAL AFFAIR! Who wants to follow a man who is in a sex scandal DVD, having sex with other young chick!

Chua: The sex scandal is a SET UP! Somebody had violated my privacy. Besides, at least i have made many contributions to society and people are willing to give me another chance. What about you? You have done NOTHING!

Ong: Who said i have done nothing. I have uncovered your secret SEX affair to expose the sinister side in you!

Chua: Oh~~~ So YOU are the one who taped the sex video and throw me out of MCA. I am going to TAKE ACTION AGAINST YOU!

Ong: (oops, i screwed up…)

(Recent EGM result was that Ong Tee Keat got voted no confidence and that Chua Soi Lek had failed to mount a challenge on Ong for the presidency post, not even the VP. However, Chua was voted back into MCA as a member.)

………

2009-10-16T23:43:00.001+08:00

Patience

Crash of a Kind

2009-10-10T00:31:00.001+08:00

I met an accident in my BMW 318i (E46). The following is a sequence of events of my accident.

Rushing for work. sprinting on the highway.
took the leftest lane and break hard upon a slow car.
spot a tight space at the middle lane. a chance to dash through to the right lane.
let go of brakes and turn right hard for a quick lane-switch.
rear tires lost grip.
fish-tail right towards right lane. attempt counter-steering manoeuvre.
car switch direction to the left. rear tires still failed to get into grips. fish-tails to the left.
Attempt counter-steering again but too late. crashed into the right side of a perodua kelisa at the middle lane.
car begins 360-spin clockwise. Attempt 360 steering manoeuvre for a controlled spin at the right lane.
car loses momentum at about 280 degrees. front end does not have enough momentum to spin back into place. dabbed the brakes, rear right wheel caught a knock on the centre highway divider.
car back in control.
parks on the left emergency lane and inspect damage.
Perodua Kelisa has the right part totalled. both right doors are damaged beyond operational conditions. B-pillar is slightly deformed.
my car, front left ‘facial’ damage. left lights, left dents on engine hood and left quarter panel, left part of bumper sheared and slightly deformed.

What i have learned:

I used to adore the Nissan 370Z. Since this crash, i don’t like the nissan anymore. If i were driving the Nissan, my front bumper might have thrown to the other side of the highway. I’ve become a loyal fan of BMW 3 series from then on.

Don’t buy a Perodua Kelisa. The body structure is really weak. If i failed to control the car properly or failed to minimize the damage, or a go out of hand at an even higher speeds, the structure could have collapsed.

Inspect your tires before travelling fast. If your mechanic says it’s worn out, he’s right. But i forgot about my worn-out rear tires. So, improve your memory.

Believe in unexpected fate. The guy i crashed is someone from JB. Nice guy. He’ll bring on a tour around JB or even get me a good hotel if i’m heading there for a holiday. by the way, JB is not as dangerous as what the newspapers said. It’s anytime safer than KL.

Not posting any pictures of the crash.

Editor’s Note (Joke)

2009-09-23T20:27:00.001+08:00

I saw a comment of an anonymous reader. He/she/he-she was challenging the character of where i got the IQ of an apple from. Is it from some kind of a test of what.

I actually thought of it for a very long time. I knew i heard it from somewhere and i can’t remember….until recently.

Do you know where did i got the information of the apple having an IQ of 5?

Guess…

I got it from CARTOON NETWORK. XD

There was this advertisement in cartoon network about The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. It compares the IQ of an apple and Billy’s. An apple has an IQ of 5, Billy has an IQ of –15…

So this is a joke i would like to share with you all without publishing this post as the character. But this whole blog is a joke anyway…..

So, have fun. All the best and i hope this blog would make you stupid and brighten up you day.

This is applestupid…

Quote of The Day

2009-09-16T21:40:00.001+08:00

Pussy Love…..

(is it a quote or typo error…?)

Sex Dialogue

2009-09-06T22:08:00.001+08:00

When a couple having Sex, they would say: Oh, God~~ Oh, God~~

What happens if a Muslim couple having sex: Ya, Allah~~ Ya, Allah~~

Bush Conspiracy Generator (my favourite)

2009-08-31T21:59:00.001+08:00

My George Bush Conspiracy Theory

George W. Bush made Britney Spears lose custody of her kids so that The Jews, oil companies, Republicans, Ann Coulter, white men, SUV owners, and gun owners could offend Muslims.

Create your own at Buttafly.com

Enjoy....

Barack Obama Quotes

2009-08-31T21:49:00.001+08:00

There is this system where you key in some terms into the system and it will generate a BARACK OBAMA QUOTE from the terms that you inserted. Here's my personal BARACK OBAMA QUOTES (3 different versions):

version 1

Generate a Barack Obama Quote!

"You know, there's a lot of talk in this country about bird-'s brain. Well I think Americans are tired of the same old morons. Ordinary Americans believe in lightning guns, they want less
assholes, they just aren't sure if their leaders believe in safe-sex."
Generate your Barack Obama quote at Buttafly.com

version 2

Generate a Barack Obama Quote!

"These people haven't had safe-sex for fifty years. So you can't be surprised if they get bitter and cling to their morons and their assholes and their dumb-fucks. That's what my campaign is about. Teaching all the little people in this country that they can have lightning guns."
Generate your Barack Obama quote at Buttafly.com

version 3

Generate a Barack Obama Quote!

"I think it's time we had a national conversation about bird-'s brain. We need to get past all the morons and recognize that we are our own best hope for overcoming dumb-fucks. We need lightning guns, not assholes. Lightning guns are our safe-sex. And we need to have change in bird-'s brain."
Generate your Barack Obama quote at Buttafly.com

Go try it yourself. Also, check out some other humour in buttafly.com.

Driving Safety Tips Part 1

2009-08-26T23:12:00.001+08:00

The smartest man on the flat surface of the world is trying to make the world round.

This is some driving safety tips. Safety driving differs from driving safety tips. Safety driving focus more on how to drive safe. Whereas driving safety tips not only focus on safe driving techniques, also highlights some safety and security issues while on the road. For the sake of security, please read.

This post is written to provide some tips on how to keep yourself safe while on the road.

1) Drive Reasonably Faster

Yes. But no if i am encouraging you speeding. Drive reasonably fast means keeping your speed at optimum. Slow does not mean safe. Speed does not kill either. So keep your speed at optimum. The optimum speed is the speed which you subtract the maximum speed limit with roughly 10-30kph. Don’t drive too slow.

Let’s say the highway speed limit is 110kph. The optimum speed will be roughly 80-90kph. The reason for this is that many drivers will be driving pass the speed limit. If you are driving dangerously slow on a highway, you are at higher risk in getting hit from behind severely. Keeping your speed at optimum will reduce the chances of getting hit from behind and also easy to manoeuvre around traffic while at the same flow of traffic.

2) Look at the Rear View Mirrors Every 7-10 seconds

It may sound tedious, but how many moments does it take for a glance at the mirrors. Once you have done it routinely, your observations will be sharper and quicker.

The prime reason for this is to keep an eye on the traffic flow behind you. This is to give you a basic idea of rear traffic pattern in order to manoeuvre around easily in-case of emergency.

On top of that, you could notice any suspicious car following you. Glancing at the mirror often gives you chance to notice if there’s any crooks falling you around town to commit a crime against you. If you notice that, drive faster than reasonable speeds, be sharp and be careful. Drive towards the nearest police station or contact the police about the suspicious car tailing you around that area. This will prompt a nearby patrol car to escort you to your destination.

Glancing at the mirror also shows you how close is the car behind. Then, you will have to keep your distance with the cars in-front for more room for braking. Brake is smooth as possible, making use of the available braking space, so that the car behind have time to react and avoid a rear collision.

3) Never Stop When A Bump From Behind

The case is especially for drivers who drive alone often at NIGHT. Culprits commonly use the tactic of bumping you at the back so that you would pull over to inspect and discuss over damage payment. Once you have pulled over, the culprits will take action to rob you.

In relation to the second tip, pay some attention to your mirrors. Try to take note of any suspicious cars following you and how people are in the car.

A bump at the back will only cost you a bumper. So pay the damage yourself or pay for your life. DON’T PULL OVER unless a serious accident occurs. If a serious accident occurs such as high-speed collision, that is obviously not a culprit taking chances. Culprits will make a light but significant bump and they won’t damage their own vehicle badly because that is their only escape vehicle.

4) Look Around Before Entering/Exiting Your Vehicle

Before entering your vehicle, look around you for any suspicious people lurking nearby. Be prepared for any sudden attack. If you don’t feel safe, you have two options, walk to a nearest crowded place or move swiftly into the car and lock yourself in immediately.

Before exiting the car, look around you for any suspicious people lurking around. If you see any suspicious people, don’t get out of the car. Stay in the car and use your cell for help, be it police or your neighbour or your friends. You can also drive away to a safer place.

BE SHARP, BE ALERT, BE OBSERVANT, BE CAUTIOUS. DON’T PANIC, DON’T TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED.

(Part 2 is coming soon…)

A Test of Brain

2009-08-20T14:11:00.002+08:00

If you are smart, you can figure the answer for the following:

God has the power to create lives as well as destroy lives.

What do you get when you cross a dick with a gun?

Post your answers at the comments. The winner will get a reward!

Uneducated Triumph

2009-08-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

There was this engineer who has 15 years of experience in project developments. He is extremely skilled and experienced as well as innovative in his design of custom built machines for various clients.

There was one of worker, a Bangladeshi, who is involved in building control boxes for machines. He taught that Bangladeshi how to built the control boxes according to the designs and arrangements. He showed how to fit the parts and that guy remembered them very well.

For the next weeks, he completed assembling 40 units of those control boxes. The engineer random checked a few of those boxes and was extremely impressed. He was very impressed that this Bangladeshi could produce such high quality work. All the control boxes were flawless and error-free. On top of that, the craftsmanship was very good. He was all praises with that Bangladeshi.

Until one day, he asked the guy,

“Mahon, measure the length of the piece of metal and give it to me.”

He got the measurement and realized that it was the wrong measurement. Clearly, the engineer was very angry. The Bangladeshi worker could not provide the correct measurement though it is a simple job. So, the worker got the scolding.

Then, the engineer was talking to another veteran worker of his company,

“Habibur, that Mahon fellow you have to teach him properly. He can’t even make simply measurements. Does he even know how to make measurements?”

“No,”Habibur said. “That guy can’t even read one, two, three.”

The engineer was stunned. He couldn’t believe the fact. So, he approached Mahon and wrote number ‘1,2,3.’

“Mahon, can you read these numbers?”

The Bangladeshi worker shake his head.

This man could produce very good craftsmanship could not even read simple numbers. He can’t even read his own native language. Yet, he is very intelligent and manage to produce high-quality craftsmanship.

This is not an extraordinary case. To the engineer, this is a norm. Virtually all his Bangladeshi workers are unable to read anything. Only the extreme minority are able to read.

This is a haunting truth for educated young people who bemoans a lot of petty things such as hair, pimples, tanned skin, girl/boyfriend problems etc. The young lads today used to complaining small details that didn’t even matter. Graduates from Malaysia many are educated, yet having attitude problems, thinking problems and are unemployable.

Let’s take a look at Mahon and reflect ourselves. He is one of the millions of Bangladeshi labour who came to Malaysia to seek more money. In their own country, they can’t afford education. These people, who lived in villages, started working at the age of 5.

Now, though he is uneducated and can’t even read, Mahon could produce high-quality craftsmanship, able to understand and adapt the machinery parts according to plans and analysis by himself, very quick to learn new things and practice them effectively, and unfortunately unable to voice his dissatisfaction simply because this is not his land. He is at no position to voice out.

He, along with other skilled but uneducated foreign workers, put a shame to many young generations who are educated yet not effective, still being spoon-fed by their parents. Some even save their part-time ‘promoter’ money to buy expensive phones and clothes to show off to their peers to be ‘hip’ and ín the trend’. For any little thing, they would bemoan. At the end of the day, they didn’t do anything impactful.

Start to feel humiliated. Start to reflect yourselves and compare your situation with Mahon. If Mahon is well educated, today he owns a multi-billion dollar business owner, or a pilot, or a professional engineer. He worked hard and triumphed over his hard-ship. What can you do if your situation suddenly changes into his.

Now stop moan and get rid of your laziness. Get up and start working hard for your future.

Message from the smartest human being on the flat surface of the earth who is trying to make the earth round.

The Spring, The Helmet, The Return of The Dominator

2009-07-30T23:46:00.001+08:00

One bright sunny Saturday in Hungary, a white car with lime stripes was racing down the track. It is the Hungarian Grand Prix 2009. The driver, wanted to drive the best qualifying time to gain the highest possible spot for the following race on Sunday.

Suddenly, at turn 4, he felt a little judder. Something is strange just happened on his car. He did not know what it was but he was sure that his car handled badly from that moment. There was not enough traction at one of his wheels at the back. It couldn’t corner fast enough.

He pushed the radio button and asked his race constructor. He was told that one of his springs just bounced off from one of his suspension system.

That explains why the car wasn’t feeling good at all. A moment later, the race constructor radioed him again.

“Your spring got hit by Massa. He crashed into a tyre wall at turn 6. Yellow flags at turn 5 and 6.”

It was the Formula 1 Hungarian Grand Prix 2009 when Felipe Massa hit the spring at speed 4 seconds after the spring fell off from Barrichello’s Brawn GP car.

***

Felipe Massa was at six place timing during the second qualifying session. On the following lap, he knew he need to drive faster and improve his time. Just after racing pass turn 4, there was a spring somewhere at the end of the following straight. At high speed, the spring was small and unnoticeable. The spring was bouncing along the straight.

Massa did not know. The spring was there for only 4 seconds after it bounced off from Barrichello’s car. It seemed as though even if a car hit it at speed, the car will only have some body damage.

But at this moment, it was a freak accident. As he drove at high speed down the straight, the bouncing spring hit Massa on the left part of the helmet. The spring weighed roughly 800grams. Massa’s head was travelling at more than 200kph with the car. His head, protected by the helmet, hit the spring at that speed.

Massa’s blacked out instantaneously. He suffered a concussion. His helmet, though rigorously tested and developed, failed to protect his head. It was heavily damaged on the left side. He fainted at the wheel. He never what happened after that.

***

Michael Schumacher was watching the replay of the crash. The commentator was telling that Massa hit the spring on his head at very high speed.

Through the replay, it showed that Massa simply fainted at the extreme force hitting his head. There was turn 5 and turn 6 as the end of the straight, a tight left turn quickly followed by a sharp right. It’s a chicane.

With Massa blacked out in that speeding car, his foot relaxed and pressed both brake and accelerator. The car went out of track, went straight pass the chicane and hit a tyre wall at the opposite end, left side of the track.

It wasn’t the direct crash into the wall that blacked out Massa. It was the spring.

Massa was flown to a nearby hospital, the military AEK hospital in Budapest by a helicopter without wasting anytime. The next race he won’t be able to participate. It was fortunate that the doctors could treat him in time. He suffered a fractured skull and brain concussion, as well as a gash on his forehead, and that he had undergone successful surgery on his injuries.

When he woke up, he did not know what happened. He could not open his left eye.

Ferrari contacted Michael Schumacher to replace Massa for the following races, but not for Hungarian Grand Prix.

After the Hungarian Grand Prix, it was confirmed that Michael Schumacher will be back at F1 racing, replacing Felipe Massa until he is fully recovered and fir to race again.

But for the time being, it is the Dominator. 7-time F1 World Champion, a record in F1 history. 91 race victories, 154 podium finishes, 115 pole positions, 1813 days of being a champion, the dominator of F1 for decades.

He has returned to F1 with a surprise. For the first time, the young champions will compete with the legend. Lewis Hamilton, youngest World Champion, Kimi Raikkonen, fastest F1 driver and world champion, Jenson Button, current F1 leader, Fernando Alonso, 2-time World Champion, Sebastian Vettel, youngest race winner and title contender.

All these fastest and talented F1 drivers are going to get the taste of scorching pace from the legend, Michael Schumacher.

F1 racing haven’t got interesting for a long long time…

What Makes a Successful Person

2009-07-23T20:43:00.001+08:00

What makes a successful person?

Simple…a COCK.

A cock is only found on males. Most of the successful people are males. And that they have a cock.

Take a look at Joseph Stalin, the man who tore down Hitler’s regime. Successful person. Look at Obama being the first black President of the United States. Successful person. Look at Bill Gates. Successful person. Look at Zinedine Zidane the greatest footballer. Successful person. Look at Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb and various other things. Successful person. Look at me the smartest man on the flat surface of the earth who is trying to make it round. Another successful person.

And we all have cock.

People who have cock are also sometimes known as dickheads. That is because they say we use our cocks to think. And these people are the ones who does not have a cock.

However, this is true when we found people who have cock do stupid things. Does cock has a brain? It doesn’t.

But bear this in mind: cock gives us SOUL, PASSION, FULFILMENT, ENJOYMENT and DESIRES. It was these elements that drive males towards success in their respective goals.

Therefore, if you break a cock, you break a man’s soul, passion, fulfilment, enjoyment and desire while bringing pain and hardship. No cock, no life, no success!

So, please take good care of your cock. It is your pride.

Sorry, i can’t put a picture of a (dick) cock. So i put a picture of a chicken cock.

Nothing Much but BRAINS

2009-07-22T23:13:00.001+08:00

There’s nothing much lately. Besides the hectic work that i’m going through.

Nevermind, the smartest man on the flat surface of the earth has a lot of work to do in order to make the earth round. Great brains comes great responsibility….

Shout out from the smartest person on the flat surface of the earth who is trying to make it round….

Professionally Dumb

2009-07-03T21:26:00.001+08:00

First, let me explain to you what is a professional. A professional is an individual who had been through training/education and is certified by members of a professional body. His/her career will also known as a profession. And a profession is a job where it involves membership of a certified and internationally recognized body. Any individual with such membership and/or certification is considered a professional.

Let’s take some examples. An engineer is a professional. He/she is a certified Ir. by the Engineering Council or any other recognized engineering professional body, you are called a professional. Same goes for accountants. For as long as you are certified by ACCA, you are a professional. Same goes for doctors. Even certain sports have their own professional body. Drivers’ Association, PGA, and Tennis.

Now that you have understand the concept of a professional. Think of which profession in the world that doesn’t require brains. Think of which professional is dumb.

Give yourself 10 minutes to think. Then, you may scroll down further to see my answer.

If you think it is a football player, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! But i doubt anyone would have guessed it.

Football player is the only professional where it has a football professional association body, registered, recognized by FIFA and it’s football-ing is recognized throughout the entire world as a profession that does not require intelligence.

Football is a dumb game. A football player is professionally dumb. You can argue with me but i tell you: do you need some brains to kick a ball?

Why would 22 players, TWENTY TWO PROFESSIONAL PLAYERS, chasing for ONLY ONE BALL? Isn’t that dumb? Don’t they have anything better to do?

Let’s take some professional football players for example. Is Pele smart? No, his son is some lousy goal keeper who is also a drug addict.

Is Maradona smart? He is dumb too! His Argentinean squad lose to a side while playing at high altitude. And guess what, he was the only one in the world who strongly support playing football at higher altitude. Besides, he was also an alcoholic and drug addict.

Is David Beckham smart? No. Recently, Landon Donovan called him a tightwad and also a lousy captain who failed to show his face during extra optional training sessions at LA Galaxy. Besides, who is he to help increase Major League Soccer’s standard? Even he himself couldn’t get enough of playing level in USA and ended up loaning himself to AC Milan to level-up himself.

Cristiano Ronaldo is not smart either. He has extraordinary physical abilities but he is some cocky fellow that can’t even score a single goal in two of his Champions League finals. And yet Real Madrid is dumb enough to spend a world record 80 million pounds for that dumb professional.

But there is one exception. Zinedine Zidane is not dumb. He uses his intelligence to overcome his lack of pace and agility. That is why he is the advisor to the president of Real Madrid. Still, the president is dumb enough to spend that world record fee for Ronaldo.

Enough is criticized about this professionally dumb. Football players are mostly poor and had no chance for education. Which is why they ended up being footballers. The dumb will remain as a footballer and nowhere else, the smarter ones end up in management level in football, managing other dumb professionals.

This is a respected point of view from the smartest person on the flat surface of the earth!

Quote of The Day

2009-07-03T21:01:00.001+08:00

Message to all:

Please be a fuck face, so that i could call you a dumb fuck.

PORN: 2nd Popular Topic After Jews

2009-06-27T16:11:00.001+08:00

The next most common topic of conversation after talking about Jews is Porn.

When you get to know somebody new, you may not know what is his interest of topic that he is into. You can try talking about football and cars but he may not be interested in either of those. You can try talking to him about Jews but he may be an idiot who doesn’t even know that Bill Gates is a Jew.

So the next most common chat topic is about Porn. Seriously, the moment you speak of porn, you could see their eyes lit up.

As to speaking to a new guy while getting to know him, you may speak off the famed Japanese pornstar Sora Aoi. He may not know who is she but I'll bet with you he wants to know more.

It doesn’t matter who, everybody will enjoy chatting about porn. Everyone will share what kind of videos they like, which porn actress they favour and even what type of porn they prefer, be it homo or hetero.

The Germans taught little kids about sex, too.So when kids meet new kids, they sure know what to talk about to make new friends!

So the next time you meet up a new person, just raise the porn topic. You’ll enjoy chatting with each other about porn. Now, go do some homework. Watch more porn and start making NEW FRIENDS!

This is another Tip of socializing from the smartest person on the flat surface of the earth!

Dummies Guide to be a Good Manager

2009-06-25T20:30:00.001+08:00

There are a number of things that you need to habitually do in order to become a successful manager of any company. This is some simple guidelines for dummies who wanted to be a top and effective manager.

In this post, i shall share with you some guidelines that can help you to be a good manager.

1) Shout and Scold

This is the most fundamental characteristic as a good manager. In the animal kingdom, before an animal fight starts, a duel of roars occurs to measure which is the loudest. The loudest is the most fearsome and bravest.

So when come to human application, scold and shout your people to show who is the boss. Any little mistake, scold them ‘till they’re shitless. Let them have it. Then they’ll know to bow to you. Be a man. Make the shouts!

2) Have Sex With Your Female Subordinates

This is especially effective in giving a morale boost to female subordinates. You need to give them the boost of confidence and passion.

Having sex with them is more or less like controlling them. They will listen to you like a good dog and do virtually everything for you. Beside, letting them have the ultimate sexual satisfaction gives them confidence.

3) Just Say NO

Sometimes, no, MOST of the time you have to cruel. You have to keep say no to any requests so that your subordinates won’t get a feet on you.

But there is one exception: You must always say YES when a good looking subordinate wants to have sex with you. This complies to the second tip of this guide.

These are the three magical tips form the smartest man on the FLAT surface of the earth!

Cucumber

2009-06-14T12:38:00.001+08:00

Cucumber is a vegetable. Good for health.

Besides health, it is also the cheapest double-ended dildo you can find anywhere.

Increasing Rat Suicidal Rate

2009-05-23T22:12:00.001+08:00

There is an increase in rat suicidal rate. You might notice that you can spot a higher number of rats and cats dying on the streets. Ever wonder why?

The reason is simple. This is due to the economic downturn.

So how does an economic downturn relates to the increase of dead rats?

Economic downturn forces multinational companies to retrench employees by millions. Millions of people have lost their jobs and only a handful of them managed to find jobs.

Even with stimulus packages being passed throughout the world, retrenched people still take time to find jobs. Companies are unwilling to spend so much to employ people.

This results them to be beggars, sleeping on the streets and, worst comes to worst, eating leftover food.

Now, you can see the competition between humans and rats competing for food. Since humans are the most superior beings on earth, rats tend to have less food. This results in increase death rate of rats by starvation and death fighting for food.

While rats are increasingly dying, it may be good news for humans. Decreasing of parasites. Cats, however, are unharmed by the decreasing numbers of cats because humans love cats. They are willing to share the food with cats.

For the people who are afraid of rats, there is something to be happy about despite the economic downturn: decreasing number of rats.

This is the expert analysis of the smartest human being on the flat surface of the earth.

Quote of The Day

2009-04-28T22:41:00.001+08:00

If everyone is like me, the world will be a be a much better place.

Quote

2009-04-25T21:13:00.001+08:00

I have absolutely no worries about money all the time….until I'm running out of money.

Train Thought 2

2009-04-24T03:05:00.000+08:00

Once, in a commuter. Sitting on the seat, noticed a lady entered the commuter upon arrival at a station. Back facing, she looks hot. Thoughts flew in…

Thought: Hey lady, can you please sit beside me?

As she turn around in my direction to take her seat…

Thought: Oh MAN, please don’t sit beside me….

The Irony

2009-04-24T02:45:00.002+08:00

When a kid fails his test...

Situation A

Parents : Oh honey it's ok, we know you tried your best, and we don't really care about your result, as long as you know you'd tried your best.

Kid : NO MOM IT'S NOT OK!! I can't fail! No I can't! I need to get straight A's or else how am I going to compete with that Bryan nerd! I need to get that scholarship! NO I MUST GO STUDY NOW! DON'T CALL ME FOR DINNER! URGH....

Situation B

Parents : WHAT??? FAIL?? Oh you're such a disgrace! Now what I have to tell the whole neighbourhood? That I have an idiot for a son??? NO! YOU'RE GROUNDED! NO TV, NO MUSIC! Unless you give me straight A's and get into that Uni or else your life is going to be hell!!

Kid : Screw the A's, I don't need them. Sorry dad but I think the whole thing about school is truely wasting my time. See ya, oh and don't call me for dinner, I'll be on my guitar before you start grounding me.

You can start pairing Nobita's Mom with Fred/George and Snow-White-Mother-version with Hermione.

Earth Day

2009-04-22T21:22:00.001+08:00

One hot afternoon, A and B were drinking a cup of water on the sidewalk.

A: Hey, It’s Earth Day today.

B: Yeah, let’s celebrate by helping to cool the earth.

A: Good idea.

Spills the cup of water onto the ground.

Malaysian Political Mathematical Formula

2009-04-05T18:12:00.001+08:00

Greed + Evil + Bloodsucker + Money + Politician = Sami Vellu

Money x (Greed + Evil + Bloodsucker + Womanizer + rapist + Murder) + Nissan Skyline = Vell Paari (Sami Vellu’s son)

(Evil Genius + Charismatic + intelligent + aggressive) x bold = Tun Dr. Mahathir

Highly charismatic + great talker + brainless + cocker + gay = Anwar Ibrahim

Bold x (cunning + smart) + people’s man + (womanizer)(C4 bomb) = Najib with the Altantunya bombing scandal

[(Rich / untouchable) + bloodsucker + Greed + lustful] x despised = Sami Vellu and his family

Intelligent men(women) + race unity - (some idiots)(political divide) + (money)(votes) + cock = UMNO

Intelligent men(women) + people’s people + some people with big tummies + racial welfare – (sex video)(Chua Soi Lek) = MCA

ammunition + (guns)(roses) + kinky tapes + smart men(women) – idiots = opposition

(idiots^2)(Anwar Ibrahim) + members turning away + (lies)(disappointment) = PKR

(foul mouthedness)(cock)(brainless) + leaks + monthly ‘leaks’ + smoking – intelligence = Parliament

Indians – MIC + MIC haters + rebels – weapons – money = Hindraf

Formula References:

men(women) = (men)(women) = Sissy

Train Thoughts

2009-04-02T22:26:00.001+08:00

Once, in a commuter. Sitting on the seat, noticed a lady entered the commuter upon arrival at a station. Back facing, she looks hot. Thoughts flew in…

Thought: Hey lady, can you please sit beside me?

As she turn around in my direction to take her seat…

Thought: Oh lady, please don’t sit beside me….

Ashes to Glory

2009-03-29T22:41:00.001+08:00

I must admit. I have seen one of the most fascinating event made a group of human beings. Today is the first race of the Formula 1 2009 season. We all know Formula 1 is the pinnacle of motorsport. Everyone competing in F1 are either the fittest athletes, brainiest engineers and the smartest constructors. (though not smarter than me.)

Throughout the years there had been plenty of drama, especially for the pass 3 years. We have seen how friendship cum team mate of one team broken down to become one of the worst enemies of modern time in motorsports. We have seen the largest aftermath of an espionage involving two of the best F1 teams in the world. That resulted in McLaren handling 500million Euros to the FIA as punishment, which escalated the rivalry between Lewis and Fernando. We had seen, too how what seemed to be an achievable task yet fortune fools them away from it.

But nothing is as brilliant as today in the Australian Grand Prix 2009.

More than a month ago, Honda announced a shocking news that they’ve decided to leave Formula 1 thoroughly and no longer involve in F1. That leaves the England based team without an owner, without financial backing, without an engine supplier and had no chance to test their cars. Their situation had gone from bad to worse.

Not scoring any point during the 2008 season was already bad enough. Then came along Honda’s exit, the drivers were at the brink of announcing their early retirement. The English team of nearly 700 employees were about to loose their jobs. All these during the economic crisis. How worse could it get.

4 weeks ago, just before the deadline of team registration, they official announced that they had a new owner. They are now called the Brawn GP. Ross Brawn, former constructor for Ferrari and Prost F1, is the new owner of the team.

A week later, they unveiled their new car, white with yellow stripes powered by a Mercedes engine. Despite the financial crunch and the lack of testing, they topped the time sheets during the first official test session organized by FIA. The same sheet-topping timings were obtained in the second test session a week later.

That was astonishing feat. Not long ago they were at the brink of dismembering. Suddenly, they became the largest threat in the toughest motorsport league. There was light at the end of tunnel for them.

Saturday at about 4pm Australian time, the qualifying session was dominated by the Brawn GP cars. Jenson Button and Rubens Barrichello were placed 1st and 2nd of the grid. That alone had sent chills to the opponents and delight to its owner and new found sponsor, Virgin Group. Virgin Group has just signed the deal a night before the qualifying session.

Today, the race was expected to be intense. The two Brawn GP at the front are expected to seize this opportunity to carve out the first win for the team.

2 hours later, everyone at Brawn GP celebrated their first 1-2 victory in their lives. 4 weeks ago, all their plans had been put on hold due to the exit of their owner, Honda. The future seemed pitch black for everyone in the team. It seemed as to be a hopeless future.

Today, it was a maiden victory. A classic story of a team that risen from the ashes. Of what seemed to be a bleak future, they carved themselves a future of fortune.

Ross Brawn had earned himself a reputation, a legend. He, the man who crafted the success of Michael Schumacher and Ferrari, came and performed his Midas’ touch, turning the ash into glory. A dominating victory that even Ferrari and McLaren unable to challenge. A truly celebrated man he is now.

This event touched me a little. A series of unfortunate events had made them stronger and thanks to Ross Brawn, they have find their long lost fortune. I must say this is the best show on earth. Even reality shows such as American Idol, Big Brother and not even Amazing Race can match this symbolic event.

The true grit and faith made me think and realize that what I saw this afternoon is what is known as the human will power, the spirit of ‘never say die’.

Absolutely brilliant.

Do You Know How To Say ‘NO’?

2009-03-23T21:30:00.001+08:00

A: Can i hit you in the head?

B: NO…

A: You said yes…i’m gonna hit you!

B: NO!! I said NO!

A: You said YES.

B: I said NO!

A: you said YES.

B: I’VE SAID NO~~~~!! Do you know how to spell N, O, NO! Do you know how to say ‘NO’?! Do you know how to listen ‘NO’!!!

A:………no

True Colours of Colour

2009-03-16T17:12:00.001+08:00

This seems to be black colour. But it’s NOT. The truth behind this ‘black’ colour is actually WHITE colour. Try take a light and shine on it. It will show it’s true colour, WHITE.

This seems to be white colour. But it’s NOT. The truth behind this ‘white’ colour is actually BLACK colour. When you switch of the lights it will become black.

So, colours can lie. You need to investigate the true colour behind the colour.

To relate this case, black people are actually white people. The Africans and Indians are not black people. They are actually white people. We cannot call them black people because when they are under the sun shine or being shine by light, you can see traces of white.

On the other hand, white people, which is the more dominant race, aren’t white people. They are actually black people. We cannot call them white people because when there is no light, they are thoroughly black. So, we should call them black people instead.

I am smarter than an apple. Therefore i am the smartest man on the flat surface of the earth.

The Powers of Sex

2009-03-12T23:21:00.001+08:00

There have been people asking me about my obsession with Sex. So many of my posts are touching the Sex topic. Why? Are you guys still very taboo with it? Or is it a very powerful activity that strikes the conscience of you readers of an apple brain? An attention grabber for the lay-apple-men sake you may realize.

You see, I am not obsessed with sex. I’m not a maniac. Sex is boring. However, after been through so much study and observation, i realize that sex is an ‘obsession’ with you readers, ‘MANIAC’. I realized that the sex topic is a very powerful, too.

Let’s take Malaysian politicians for instance. We pay the taxes for politicians to address and discuss about our problems in the Parliament. Instead, all we heard on Live telecast was loads of sex themed words. You can hear words like ‘bocor’ or ‘leaking’ and other sexist remarks that would come out from their sorry wise looking ~~cunt~~ faces. Those are the words that would strike the intensity and up the heat.

Now, we look at other instances. FUCK YOU. A very revoking word. You could feel the insult of the word. The word fuck should be replaced with ‘intercourse’ as i have mentioned in this post. It’s a very beautiful word It can be used in many ways and it doesn’t matter in what way it is being used, it will have its profound effect to the listener. Now I’m ‘complimenting’ you, you are INTERCOURSINGLY UGLY.

You see, Sex is a very attractive and powerful message carrier. People can use it to carry out their messages with upmost effect. For example, I want to say that you are an idiot. I would say you are a dickhead. Calling you an idiot, you can chose to ignore it thoroughly. But calling you a dickhead, you can somehow feel your guts kicking, eager to fuck me up and tie me up on my bed so that you can drip some hot wax all over. I won’t get horny with that. But please, i’m not a gay.

On top of that, Sex is very interesting. Who won’t have the urge to know about, try it, and indulge into Sex? When you eavesdrop at your colleagues talking about the girls that they intercourse with, you will have the urge to know about and indulge into the fantasies no matter how well brought up you are. You will think about how you gonna sex your partner up even if you believe in sex after marriage. Sex is overwhelming. That’s how sex crimes come about.

I must praise the prostitution profession. It is the oldest occupation in the world. It is also one of the most profitable jobs in the world. It will guarantee you a lot of pay, given that you are not ill-treated by your employer like the prostitutes in India.

So, believe into sex. It gives you pleasure, gives you power, gives you urge that you can’t resist, gives you satisfaction and enjoyment, gives you power and most of all, gives you lots of profit.

Sex rules.

I am the smartest person on the flat surface of the earth.

Career Saving Tips: How to Avoid Retrenchment

2009-02-12T20:45:00.000+08:00

During this period of global economic meltdown period, billions of people around the world are facing the risk of losing their jobs as a result of a job-cut by multi-national corporations. Sony corporations has initiate thousands of job-cut and that doesn't excludes Microsoft.

Seeing this situation as a serious life problem, I decided to give a few tips on how to keep your job safe and even get a promotion.

Have Sex With Your Boss

This is a very direct approach to keep your job safe and providing opportunity to get a promotion. This simple approach has been proven to work every time and anywhere. The concept behind this is to give your boss a really good treat to have a really impression on you.

For the ladies, it doesn't matter it's a male boss or a female boss. It works for both gender. The ladies will have an extra advantage to get your bosses to have sex with you.

For a male boss, it's very easy to get him sexed because men are dickheads and they think with their dick. So, a simple seduction or teases will get the male bosses work up and wanting for sex. Do the teasing business throughout the working hour and eat with your boss during lunch-time. Then, get him to stay after working hours citing reasons of “Needing his assistance” or “mentor-slave thing”. That is when you get to have sex with him. I can guarantee you that you won't be in his short-list of job-cut.

To do a female boss, it's much more easier than the males. Of course, you can optionally use the strategies of seducing a male boss. Otherwise, you can cut the crap and just sex your female boss at her own home. Since both are ladies, there's no harm for a female employee to visit the female boss' house or vice versa given that the house has nobody else. Ladies would understand ladies better and ladies are little more in need for it. So it will be easier. Try talk them over and just bang. I'm sure your female boss would love it in the end even it's the first time they had a homo sex. It's also more beneficial for the long run. Your female boss will take good care of you at all times.

Now if you are a male and if you are lucky or gay, you can have sex with your boss as well. If it happens that your boss is a female, you do the usual tricks to get her to bed with you (or on the office table). If your boss is a male, you better make sure that he is a gay. Then, you can sacrifice yourself and sex him up. Who knows he might give you a share of his company.... Lucrative.

For those who are not gay, don't worry. I show you my next tip.

Have Sex With Your Boss' Wife

This is generally effective given that you know your boss' wife and that you get a chance to contact her. So, this first step of approach will be the most challenging part: Getting her contact and getting to know each other.

So guys, work the first step hard and the following tracks will be as easy as it goes.

Once you have gotten her contact and getting her to notice you, keep her as her friend then work on the relation a step at a time. It is not advisable to go straight into seducing her for sex because the chances of getting a good impression is low. Unless your boss' wife is the slutty type, then don't waste time getting a friendship with her.

While maintaining a friendship with her, you always make sure you are at her side at all times. When she needs a friend, you must be the first one there. Then, work a little bit more aggressive to push the relationship a little further into platonic zone. You need to be quick before you lost your job, but not too rush until she gets scared.

When the relationship reaches platonic phase, it's time to strike the chord and get an affair or get straight to bed with her. You might think this whole approach is hideous, but you must understand that you are a male and you need to work harder to keep your job.

This whole process will give to effects. One: giving her a really good impression as a friend and that she will tell her husband (your boss) about the good potential you have and keep you from getting booted. Second: you open a big door towards promotions and eventually owning the whole company, that is if you are smart and bold enough.

If you only want to benefit the first one, then stay being a friend to her. If you want to go further in your career, have sex with her.

Have Sex With Your Boss' Eldest Single Daughter

This approach is very safe. It doesn't matter how old is the elder daughter as long as it's your boss' elder daughter. Why elder daughter? This is because when the eldest of the daughter who is still single, she'll be itching to have one. The father will also be very eager for his daughter get married soon. Which doesn't father doesn't wish to have his daughter married to a nice guy as soon as she is ready.

On this basis, check your boss' family tree. Bump into your boss' daughter and get her contacts. This trick is common to all men so I don't have to explain how to woo a girl. All you have to do is to know the single daughter of your boss' then make sure that she is old enough to have a steady relationship. You need to sex her and marry to get her dying for you.

In this approach, there are two tracks for you to choose. First is to be a good boy and treat her very to convince that you are in a serious and steady relationship with her. Her father won't fire you because you are a good boy and that you are his daughter's future husband cum caretaker. The second is to be a little nasty. Sex her first and get her pregnant. In this case, even if her father (your boss) don't like you, he is forced to accept you because she has your child and his grandson.

It may sound the easiest way to keep your job but the catch is that you have to be lucky your boss have a daughter and she is old enough for you. Never mind if she already have a boyfriend. You can snatch her to you. Think of you career. You have to do it!

In a Nutshell

There is no other way to avoid retrenchment. Even if you are a good performer or the most talented smart-ass of the office floor, it won't guarantee you your job. The global recession times will force job-cutting on layer basis.

Horny Zombie

2009-02-10T17:09:00.004+08:00

In a very peaceful town, there is a mad scientist working in his underground lab.

Mad Scientist: AAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! It's a success. IT'S A SUCCESS!!! My H-Virus is finally complete.....Now... To test it on me...

The Mad Scientist injects the H-Virus into his body and he morhped into a ZOMBIE.

Zombie: *breathing heavily* Buahaha....I've become a zombie.

The zombie roam the streets, scarring all the people in streets. The men and ladies try to run for their lives.

Everybody: RUN! RUN! RUNE FOR YOUR LIVES! THERE'S A ZOMBIE HUNTING FOR BRAINS AND BOOBS! RUN!!!!

Suddenly....

Zombie: Oh no! My dick stood up. I think i'm HORNY! Need sex....Need sex....Need sex....Need sex....

All Girls: AAAARRGHHHH!!! The zombie has become horny and gonna sex us up!!!! YAY!!! YAY!!! YAY!!! Com'on baby...!!!

Gay: Does he do gay?

*end*

Sadism

2009-01-22T12:16:00.002+08:00

In a kitchen, suddenly came a monster and scared a chef...

Monster: Fee Foh Fuh~~ I smell food...

Chef: AAAARRRgh~~ Please! Please don't harm me.... I beg for you mercy.... Please! I'll cook for you anything but don't make me suffer... I beg for mercy....

Monster: Fee Foh Fuh~~ You shall cook for me something nice! Or else.... you shall SUFFER!

Chef: Yes! Yes i will.....

The Chef then cooked a really nice dish for the Monster...

Monster: Hmm.....Fee Foh *burp* Fuh~~ Your dish is very very nice! BUT YOU SHALL SUFFER!!!!

Chef: But why?! Why must i suffer? I beg for mercy! I cooked a very nice dish for you!

Monster: I'm asking for NICE food, not 'VERY NICE' food! Fee Foh Fuh~~ SUFFER!!!!!

Chef: NO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

*end*

The Zoo of The Dead (Zombie Horror)

2009-01-11T22:16:00.001+08:00

A BIG truck loaded FULL of radioactive waste was once driving along a road when a cat runs across its path. The truck hit cat with a bang and the driver swerves off the road, smashes past a natural ramp, and into a massive zoo packed with People and Animals. The people there have no idea what happened when the Big Truck crashed into it and the waste leaked out, which killed or contaminated the helpess people and animals.

Four hours later, nothing can be heard from the zoo. The place is sealed and an area two kilometres radius around the zoo is quarantined.

Hours later, confused by the silence, the military sends in a Hazmat team. The team consists of FIVE highly trained specialists with a lot of experience with radioactive substances and, of course, guns. (What kind of special ops fella doesn't know how to use a gun?) Delivered into the site by a truck, they gear themselves up with pistols, SMGs, shotguns, Geiger counters (classic for all stories involving radioactive stuff), and a crowbar, just in case one of them needs to do the Gordon Freeman thing...(Half-Life game fans should know) They blow a part of the surrounding wall, which will later serve as an exit point, and step into the place.

At first glance, it looks as though the place is deserted, as the usual cheerful zoo had suddenly turned dark and gloomy. Another notable thing is that the Geiger counters started going haywire as soon as they broke the wall; something unexpected as radiation passes the rather thin concrete wall as easily as light passing through air.

Treading carefully in their radiation suits, they ready their UMP.45s and make their way toward one of the buildings. (I'm bad with names so the squad members will be named Dude 1, Dude 2, Dude 3, Dude 4, and Gal 1, as one of them is female; a staple for any zombie horror story) Dude 1 kicks open the door after finding it locked, and the five rush in to clear the area.

Inside the room, they find that it is quite empty, apart from a few corpses and some junk stuff. Dude 3, who had a lot of experience with dead bodies, examined them and concluded that they died after being beaten up really badly by something no one knew at the moment. They radio their find to their commander, who notifies them that a UAV sweep of the area confirmed that the leaking waste caused horrible mutations to all living things that survived the contamination, which explains the faint weird noises heard occasionally. Dude 2 swears, as he was not very good with guns, compared to his fellow operatives.
Moving on, they search the other levels, finding nothing but more corpses and dead animals. Before being alerted by their leader that there's a mutated gorrila which he calls a Karate Gorrila. Dude 3 was amused: "Karate gorrila? karate my ass!" Suddenly, the door behind them bursts off their hinges and Karate Gorrila roars into the room, completely unaffected by the rounds being pumped from the suprised team's UMPs. The massive gorrila roars again and charges towards a screaming Dude 3, who drops his UMP and pulls out his 20-gauge shotgun and shoots it in the face, before being knocked over and split into two after Karate-ed his ass by the deranged monster. Freaking out, the team escapes the building and and scattered from the ambush. Dude 1 radioss everyone to meet up at the place where the truck crashed, collecting samples and information along the way.

The last the team hears of Dude 1 is when his radio goes haywire with gunshots, wails, moans, and all sorts of unearthly voices before the radio dies out and Dude 1 stops responding.

Dude 2 moves along a silent corridor, his reflexes on superspeed after being ambushed by another horrible big gorrila and a number of zombies, all of them who are horribly deformed. After killing zombie after zombie, Dude 2 is convinced that the mutations are making them tougher, as he can swear that he just emptied a full magazine of bullets into a zombie's head and still failing to kill it. Now armed with only his shotgun, which only has 5 shells left, and his Five-seveN, with five clips of armor-piercing rounds remaining, he opens a door and is greeted by five more Mutated Zombies. Dude 2 successfully kills them, using up his shotgun shells and 45 5.7mm Five-seveN rounds. To his relief, the room turns out to be a security office, and the place is full of shotgun ammo. Gratefully loading 8 shells into his Benelli M4 semi-auto shotgun and trading his empty UMP for room for 48 additional shells. Now fully armed with his shotgun and at least 200 shells at his disposal, Dude2 moves on, mowing down zombies by the dozens and quickly using up his supply of ammo.

After fighting off a particularly large wave of zombies at the truck crash site, the reloading Dude 2 is warned by the commander that there's a Laser Parrot with horrible laser eyes. Laughing at what appeared to be a joke, Dude 2 is caught completely off-guard when a monkey, Surgery Chimp drops off a vent and hurls a razor sharp knife at the back of his head, killing him instantly.

Now with three men dead, Dude 4 and Gal 1 moves towards their objective, with hardly any bullets left. Just before catching up with Gal 1, Dude 4 stumbled across bodies of a few soldiers. Confused, he radios out his finding, swapped his SPAS-12 for a G36 assault rifle, and moves on.

The G36 turns out to be a really fun weapon for Dude 4. Using just 30 rounds, Dude 4 managed to down two dozen zombies and managed to temporarily incapacitate Mutated Gorrila with a well placed shot to the knee. Now moving along with Gal 1, they found themselves talking about the situation...

Dude4: This really looks like some horror movie or something. You watch them?

Gal1: I only watched one, from there I knew one thing; If you wanna survive a horror movie, NO SEX.

Dude4: Aww, come on. I feel like it already!

Gal1: Okay. For once, let's give in to something more primitive.

After one REALLY wild making out session...

Gal1: You know, we shouldn't have taken off our gas masks, the smell's getting to me.

Dude4: *lying on the table* yeah.... do you think we should check the vents-- *spots a corpse right above him* BLOODY HELL!!!

The corpse is not another corpse. After being killed brutally by Surgery Chimp, Dude 2 was dragged up along the vents, cut up really nicely by the chimp, and dumped down at Dude4, who yells out in horror. Right at that moment, Laser Parrot flies in and unleashed a massive laser beam, killing Gal1. Just before dying, Gal1 managed to land a 9mm round into the parrot's head, causing it to burst. Dude4 has survived because he is shielded by Dude2's bloody corpse, which is now barely identifiable as a human figure. Now with nothing to fight for other than his own survival, Dude4 salvages whatever guns and ammo he can find in the room, and makes a mental-list of everything he has:

Weapons:
1. Glock 18 9mm silenced with 52 bullets remaining
2. Five-seveN 5.7mm with 21 bullets remaining
3. Colt. M1911 45.ACP without any bullets
4. MP5-SD 9mm with 136 bullets left
5. UMP .45 with 12 shots remaining
6. G36 5.56mm with only one bullet left
7. Benelli M4 Super 90 12 gauge with 4 shells
8. 4 Molotovs
9. 3 Frag Grenades
10. Incendiaries
11. Flashbangs (completely useless)
12. 5 Knives with varying features

Gear:
1. 4 Kevlar vests (just in case)
2. helmet
3. the usual stuff (Undise, socks, shoes, pants, etc.)
4. Medkit
a. 3 shots of morphine
b. lots of bandages and things I don't know
5. Some water and MRE (Meals Ready to Eat)
6. Pizza!!!
7. Beer!!!
8. A nice keychain (giftshops rule!)
9. My hands (They're some REAL weapons!)

Like everyone'll say, it's a list WAY too long for anyone's liking. But then again, if you don't keep track of what you have, you can't come up with good tactics. Anyway, on his way out, Dude4 passes another squad of dead soldiers, and picks up a M249 SAW machine gun, with 100 FULL AMMO! Cheering madly, Dude4 attracts a group of zombies, which is easily dealt with the SAW. Half running, Dude4 passes a playground and see a group of zombies fight with Karate Gorrila. Dude4 gets an idea: "Karate Gorrila, karate all the zombies in this place!!!", and the gorrila sets off to work, hunting down and splitting every zombie in half. Dude4 follows it quietly, silently cheering as the gorrila mows down a path for him. After killing about 300 zombies, the gorrila suddenly falls on its front. To Dude4's horror, the gorrila is kiled by a scalpel from Surgery Chimp! The chimp sees him and leers malevolently, jumping out of sight as soon as Dude4 squeezes the trigger on his MP5. Dude4 glances around him, and realizes he is actually around a fountain, which now serves as an arena for a showdown between him and a chimp. The chimp strikes again from nowhere, breaking the suppressor on his MP5 and making it useless. Without any time to think, Dude4 throws away his MP5 and switches to his shotgun, ready to burp out death at the demented chimp. Another knife flies out from nowhere, richocheting off Dude4's helmet and lodging itself at the fountain. Feeling as though a flashbang just went off near him, Dude4 pulls out one of them from his pocket. Hoping he was lucky, he pulled the pin, threw it as high as he can, shut his eyes and ears, and crouches down. A deafening bang follows, and Dude4 quickly gets up and starts shooting. The chimp, with its mutated brain hearing the shots, assumed that its prey has just stunned itself. jumping out of nowhere and landing in front of Dude4, it suddenly regretted showing itself like that. Before it could do anything else, the chimp got killed by a single bullet from Dude4's G36. Discarding the rifle, Dude4 pulls out his Five-seveN and moves on.

Nearing the exit point, Dude4 overhears a horrifying exchange from a receiver: a chopper armed with an experimental warhead will reach the zoo in less than 30 seconds, and that the whole place will be destroyed. Dropping his guns, Dude4 makes a wild dash towards the exit point, but before he could get to it, his vision flashes a brilliant white light and his ears pick up a massive roar of a massive explosion. Without immediately knowing, the warhead had been delivered ahead of schedule, and he's being propelled by the shockwave away from the zoo, towards a nearby building...
TO BE CONTINUED...?

2009 New Wish List

2008-12-29T14:44:00.001+08:00

This is my wish list for the 2009 New Year

Santa dead
santa dead
santa dead
santa dead
santa dead
santa dead
santa dead
santa dead
santa dead
santa dead
last and the least: HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009

Not many wishes. Just eleven of them.....

Name of Meat

2008-12-29T14:35:00.003+08:00

Cow meat is called beef.

Goat mean is called mutton.

Pig meat is called pork.

Therefore, human meat is called MILF.

Cat meat is called COTTON.

Dog meat is called DORK.

I am the smartest man on the flat surface of the earth.

Therefore you all called the apples human on the rounded surface of the earth.

Thou shall accept the names as it is suitable for you apple people.

Code Words

2008-12-10T23:14:00.002+08:00

People beed code words to signal something secretive to other people. This is a very popular trend in secret organizations such as CIA, USA's Secret Service and the British SAS. For example, in the USA's Secret Service who are tasked to protect the President, they won't address George W. Bush as in George Wanking Bush. They assign names that startes with the same alphabet for him and his family. George Bush and his family will start their code names with Tumbler or Trailblazer, Tempo for his First Lady, Turquise and Twinkle for two of his daughters.

Those code names for George Bush are very secret. You don't know them and i won't tell you...

These code words aka code names are essential to signal something.

The very instance, if you wanna tell you sibling or sex partner that you wanna watch porn without your mom realizing it, you can say:

"Hey, let's watch fish in the 'POND'."

Or if you wanna start and mass killing without the police understanding it, you can say:

"Let's buy a hundred of buckets and kick them...."

If you wanna state that your girlfriend is dead without letting your dead girlfriend's parents realizing it, you can say:

"My gf has tripped on a bucket."

If you spot a hot chick and want to tell a friend without making your girl jealous, you can say:

"Hey dude, i spot a ayam panas."

So next time, get creative and hide your intentions with secret code words. Try to be smart even thought you are not. I am the smartest man on the flat surface of the earth. I create codes words far secret than anyone. For example, I won't reveal my name and i code my name as 'I'.

Cat Sex

2008-11-30T22:46:00.006+08:00

Once I spotted a group of three cats on a street, one blue, one red and one black. Suddenly, the blue cat ran across a short distance and stood to strike a pose. I thought this is going to be interesting where the blue cat is going to hunt something. The next moment, the red cat ran towards the blue cat, push it over on its back and start having sex. The black on the other hand, didn’t seem to bother much about it. It never paid attention to the two cats having sex in front of it and just being ignorant. The black cat just doesn’t care while the other two were having a great sex in front of it.

This whole action sequence gave me a storm of thinking. Are we civilized than the cats or vice versa?

The idea was that we claim to be on top of the food chain in the animal world. We, the humans are special. But I, being the smartest human being on the flat surface of the earth, am more special. We claim to be the civilized beings with thinking capabilities. More importantly, we claim to be CIVILIZED! (MOST importantly, I am the MOST CIVILIZED!)

But when I look at the cats, the question repeats itself: Are we indeed civilized?

The cats can just have sex whenever they wanted, wherever they like and with authority. The rest of the cats doesn’t seem to care much. On top of that, the cats knew how to cover their pooh with sand everything they are finished with their loo. These are very simple logic. You want to have sex, you just do it without anybody to bother about. You want to shit, you just make sure u cover it with sand because there is no loo-convenience like cat-washrooms for you.

Looking at ourselves as humans, we are basically quite the opposite. When you have sex and the neighbours heard you, they will start to talk behind your back about the loudness of your sexual activities. People will irk and scream and lodge complains. The Fatwa Council will come and say you are committing fa(r)twa. The police will break your door and arrest you for public disorder. The newspapers will send paparazzi to snap your photos and make your ‘sex’ news a sensational headline. The parents will tell their kids false conceptions about the badness of sex even though they have sex ‘loudly’ themselves.

While you, being IN THE SCENE OF THE ‘CRIME’ or ‘FA(R)TWA should I say, will be a victim of social discrimination and prejudice. You’ll be jailed and whipped. You will receive a different coloured Identity Card when you are free on parole. You parents will disown you saying that you are a shame to the family. Your supposed sex partner will be a shame to even walk on the streets and end up killing herself. Your then belated partner’s parents will hunt you down to repay your ‘debt’. The cats, well, just don’t give a damn.

While in the loo, there are still ‘humans’ that doesn’t flush after they shit. They just shit in the bowl and forgot to flush. Or maybe they just don’t want to. Some even steal the flushing mechanism wishing that people would buy the parts at a price of a bowl of shark-fin soup. The cats, well, don’t give a damn because they weren’t even allowed to use the loo. So, the cats are forced to shit on the ground and covered it with sand so that the smell won’t go anywhere.

You see, animals have their own principles. They conduct them better than us. We, being humans, also have our own principles. However, we don’t conduct them AT ALL. The animals can do what they need and want to do. It is at their liberty to do what is needed. If they want to have sex, they just do it. No offense and no other animals would bother because it is normal and it is none of their business. Of the animal couple didn’t want it, they just don’t do it. No offense and all principles are right.

For the humans, we just don’t conduct our principles. When we need to do anything, we still need to look at a hundred thousand issues that are irrelevant and in the end, we cannot do what we need to do. When you want to have sex with somebody, you have to think about morality, consent, mood, timing, situation, condition, rules, bed, lights, music, smell, size, tightness, hair, more hair, food, cleanliness, parents, teachers, neighbours as well as LOUDNESS. After looking at everything, it’s already the nest day and we don’t want it anymore. Another unfulfilled need, which eventually will lead to extreme lust and results in rape, be it raping your own wife or others.

In short, humans are not as civilized as we suppose ourselves to be. Even to fulfil a mandatory need (like having sex) we need to make so many measurements and third party people simply want to get involve. Even executing a simple need is difficult. We just don’t do it. We don’t flush the loo.

Why can’t we be like animals, simple and follows principles. When we want to have sex, just do it. Other person who happen to walk by don’t need to care about someone having sex on the street or in a house with a loud noise. That is our need. It’s natural. It’s normal. We don’t need to care! And if you use the loo, just flush. It’s ever so simple, a pull of the pulley and all problems solved!

Note: I AM CIVILIZED. I AM MORE HUMAN THAN YOU. I HAVE SEX WHENEVER I WANT AND NOBODY GIVE A DAMN. I DON’T CARE WHO HAVE SEX AT WHERE AND WHEN. I FLUSH THE LOO EVERYTIME AFTER I USE IT. I STICK TO MY PRINCIPLES WITH UTTER SIMPLICITY.

I am the smartest human being on the FLAT surface of the EARTH!

Feeling arose? Please be civilized

Anti-War Phrase

2008-11-18T22:25:00.001+08:00

don't SHOOT to kill...

just 'SHOOT' to live.

Crocs in Shopping Malls

2008-11-12T20:50:00.004+08:00

This is to caution all of you about crocs in shopping malls. But let's talk about crocs first....

Crocs is a short-hand for 'crocodile', in case you have an apple brain and you are asking what is a croc.

The way a croc hunt unsuspecting prey is very clever. It usually hides beneath water surface of a river. Rivers are not usually clear nor clean. Therefore a croc find it very much easy to hide in the calm and quiet river, waiting for unsuspecting prey to get to the river to drink water.

Since water is the second most important element of life (after air), all animals will eventually get to a river to drink some. So let's say a stupid animal got very thirsty but not horny, it will get to the river to drink water. Seeing that the river is calm, the stupid animal stupidly conclude that the river is safe to consume its water. This is where the catch comes.

As the stupid animal duck its head and indulge into the freshness of river water, the croc was already waiting patiently for the chance. It sneaks and swim very quietly beneath the water surface, take a good look at the stupid animal's idiotic face. Then, it jumps at it, biting the animal at its neck while dragging it into the river. That will be a rich breakfast for the croc.

So we come back to the topic of 'Crocs in Shopping Malls'. There are many people making numerous attempts to sneak things out of a shopping mall. Some would disguise as an innocent looking female preying on unsuspecting customer to trick the victim into helping her to sneak things out.

So the way these innocent-looking crocs do their job is almost similar to a real crocodile. She will blend into the crowd and pretend that she is doing grocery shopping just like everybody else. Then, making herself hands full or pretend that she has to abandone her cart for a moment, she will ask one apple victim to help her push her cart out while she need to attend something. She reassure the apple victime that she will come back for her cart and begs for the victim's kindness.

So the apple victim felt a little kindness and help push the cart out. Suddenly the sensors alarmed and surrounded by security guards. The Innocent croc sense trouble, she immediately disappears and left the innocent victim alone to handle the situation.

At this point of time, the apple victim is trouble of suspected attempt to sneak unpaid goods out of the mall. The apple victim is brought to a security room for settlements and if it didn't turn up well, the case will be reported to the police to settle the case. So the apple victime is innocent yet framed for a stealing attempt, which is a crime.

In this incident, the croc succesfully put the victim into trouble. The croc evaded law enforcers and put the crime on another innocent person instead.

So I, as the smartest person on the flat surface of the earth, urge to all public that

YOU MUST BE WARY OF CROCS IN SHOPPING MALLS!!!

Political Rants

2008-11-02T15:15:00.005+08:00

That day I had a long chat with Najib. We touched on the topic about transparency policy in the government system. I told him that we are not transparent enough. There are still many things that have been covered up. For example, Najib doesn't wear his underwear and he didn't admit it. He always answer "I am wearing an underwear, it is in skin colour." He somehow argue that he is being transparent because he is telling that he is not wearing underwear.

I disagree. How can you change the words and paraphrase to indirectly alter the truth that you are not wearing an underwear? Of course I can understand that Najib didn't wear his underwear because he said it is in skin colour. But what about the people? Those apple brains thought he is indeed wearing an underwear that is skin coloured.

Then i test Badawi's attitude towards transparency policy. I said that he is wearing a bra, a red bra because i can see it through his white shirt. But he refuse to admit. He said that he had some allergic on his chest that made him scratch until reddish. yea right....

This is the problem with the government. They said they are being transparent, but they somehow tweak the words to blur up the truth. Only people like me, which is rare, can understand their cover-ups. This is very dagnerous.

Recently this Razak guy was acquitted of involvment in the blow-up of Altantunya, the 'hot-chick'. People say that Najib had an affair with her and that he have to blow her up in order to cover up the truth so that the fatwa council won't chase him or to avoid a black resume prior to being the next Prime Minister.

I must admire Najib for his 'transparency' trick. He simply said "No, I don't know her at all. Never heard of her. Never seen her before." But i don't care. It doesn't matter to me. And i am not accusing him. But his cover-up is so perfect that it is like saying that he is wearing an underwear while he is not because you cannot demand him to pull down his pants to show whether he is wearing it or not, or he is wearing something else.

When i touch about fatwa, newspapers saying that the fa(r)twa council is expected to anounce a ruling to ban Yoga among Muslims in Malaysia by Friday. Thay said that Yoga requires Practitioners to 'chant' something and it might deviate from Muslim teachings. I wonder what Yoga class that they attend to?

Maybe they went to the wrong 'Yoga' class. Maybe they mistaken the sex spa class as a Yoga class and sex spa class always chant 'Ah~~~ ah~~~ ah~~~'. That chant is very near to the word Allah so they have to ban the 'Yoga'. But since the chant 'Ah~~ ah~~ ah~~' is so close to the word Allah, why not just encourage Muslims to practice Yoga? It gets them closer to their beloved God. Why ban it?

The fa(r)twa council is trying to make some havock. They say Yoga deviates from Muslim teachings is like saying their fathers, after 50 years of caring them, is trying to commit sodomy to them because their fathers are too close to them. I mean, Yoga is good. Nobody chant anything when practicing Yoga. All they did was strecthing and discovering their own body and mind for more than 5000 years. They should re-organise another trip to a proper Yoga class and this time let me show them the difference between a brothel and a Yoga class.

Yoga has been existed for more than 5000 years. People around the world, regardless of race and religion, practice it at their own free will. It does good to the body and mind and never hamrs the spirits of practitioners. The fa(r)twa council branding Yoga as fatwa is like saying that football is also fatwa and qigong is also fatwa.

As what Datuk Wan Mohamad Shei(t)kh Abdul Aziz said about Yoga that 'When those involved take them as 'trends', such cultures can lead to a 'serious crime' according to syariah law and this can destroy the family institution'. He is categorizing Yoga as harmful in the syariah law. Gee..... When will he say Mat Rempit is harmful while Yoga and qigong is great? (What a wonder.....)

Based on the 'Transparency' policy, this girl in the picture is actually naked. She has a very black breasts and chest and stick a sticker between her breasts. Therefore, the Fa(r)twa Council conclude that she commited fa(r)twa for having black breasts and chest. She also commited another fa(r)twa because she stick a sticker on her chest.....

Pathetic.

Jalan Alor, Jalan Kejora; Mr. You, Mr. Face

2008-10-25T22:49:00.005+08:00

A recent news that some bloody-lazy-nothing-better-to-do political figure recommends that Jalan Alor to be changed into Jalan Kejora.

For decades, Jalan Alor is known as Jalan Alor and it is a very popular tourists spot. The moment you mention Jalan Alor, you think about the food there. It is a popular tourist attraction because of the food. So naturally foreigners will know it as Jalan Alor.

But this bloody-lazy-nothing-better-to-do political figure wanted to change the name.

The reason why he changed the name was because the nearby streets were named after planets. There is Jalan Bukit Bintang (Star Hill Walk) and Jalan Bulan (Moon Walk - courtesy of Micheal Jackson). So he wanted Jalan Alor to rhyme like the planets, Jalan Kejora (Venus Walk).

This is a bit of bullshit. It sounds like Mr. Fuck has a son and he named him Mr. You. 50 years later he wanted to change his son's name to Mr. Face so that it could rhyme better together................

So lame.......At least the bloody-lazy-nothing-better-to-do political figure should rename the street using my name in honor to the smartest man on the flat surface of the earth. Wait, i don't think he knows my name. He's too applestupid to know it.......Gaaa!!!

Brain Overview

2008-10-14T22:43:00.005+08:00

Our brain overview...

This is ME.

This is YOU.

This is the second smartest person on the flat surface of the earth.

I'm the smartest person on the FLAT surface of the earth!

Count To Zero

2008-10-13T23:18:00.004+08:00

Two rocket scientists are about to initiate a rocket experiment by launching a rocket.

A: The rocket is ready to be tested.

B: Okay, I'll start counting. One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Seven... Eight... Nine.... Ten.... Eleven... Twelve... (and counting)...

A: Hey, when are you gonna launch?

B: Until i reach zero.... Thirteen... Fourteen... Fifteen... Sixteen... Seveteen... Eighteen....... (and counting)

The Replacement F Word

2008-10-09T22:02:00.003+08:00

People find it vulgar to say the word Fuck, though it is the most beautiful word in English language. It can be used as a Verb in way of Transitive: John fucked Mary, as well as intransitive: Mary was fucked by John.

It can also be used as an adjective: Mary is fucking beautiful. It maybe used as a noun: Mary the fine fuck. On top of that, it can be used in vitually any situation such as:

Surprise: Fuck! You scared me!

Innovation: Get me a bigger fucking hammer.

Insult: Fuck face.

Directive: Fuck off.

Heated conversation: Fuck you!

Request: Please fuck me.

and can also be used as a term for sex: Sexual Fuck.

As you read, you can't help but to feel a little uneasy everytime you come across the word Fuck. i recommend that people should use the replacement of the word fuck.

In scientific terms, when a male initiate sex with a female (or the same sex), the action is termed INTERCOURSE. This is where the word Fuck originated from and expanded its use. Therefore, in order to feel less vulgar, we should start using the word INTERCOURSE. Read the following for examples:

Verb in way of Transitive: John intercourse Mary, as well as intransitive: Mary was intercoursed by John.

It can also be used as an adjective: Mary is intercoursingly beautiful. It maybe used as a noun: Mary the fine intercourse. On top of that, it can be used in vitually any situation such as:

Surprise: INTERCOURSE! You scared me!

Innovation: Get me a bigger intercoursing hammer.

Insult: Intercourse face.

Directive: Intercourse off.

Heated conversation: Intercourse you!

Request: Please intercourse me.

and can also be used as a scientific term for sex: Sexual Intercourse.

Obviously, you don't feel uneasy or find it vulgar. Therefore it is better to use the word Intercourse rather than Fuck. Please be civilized. Our children will follow the footsteps of the grown ups.

This is a moral message from the smartest man in the world, the person who is smarter than an apple, which is me myself.

Defiant Illusion

2008-10-05T23:10:00.002+08:00

There are many ways to make you feel better in situations when they are bad. One of the ways is the defiant illusion. It means that you defy reality and prefer to see things through your own illusions that make you feel better.

This is a very good psychology boost that increases your mood and encourages you to work more and harder to get what you want.

Let's give an example:

Once i went to Low Yat Plaza. I don't know why are there too many cars which makes things hard to get a parking. It's a weekday and people should be working during the evening or go home and look for their wives. It was really hard to get a parking space.

I was frustrated round after round, too frustrated until i feel like wanna shout at all the people outside of my car and tell them that they are idiots and they should reserve a parking space for the smartest man in the world, because i am smarter than an apple.

However, i prefer to stay low profile. I want to avoid unwanted attention because there are many jealous people that would figure out some evil plans to eliminate me. But i was so frustrated about the unavailable parking that i want to vent it.

So, i decided to give myself an illusion.

As i drove, i tell myself, "This is just an illusio. There are so many cars occupying parking spaces are merely an illusion. Wan kok lei ge jie (cantonese). All the parking spaces are empty. So just park in any of the spaces. If i happen to spot a crash or a wreck, it is also MERELY an ILLUSION. My car have no damage in reality. The wreck is just an illusion.@

Then, I found a parking space. I was so glad that i finally found one. So i just park my car and get on with my hunt for PC hardware.........

Right Words For The Situations

2008-09-30T20:57:00.004+08:00

As the smartest man in the world, I will talk about using the right phrase in the right situation to gain advantages.

People today should learn the talking skills. We witnessed how good talkers like me could make an impact or make an impression even though i am merely saying the same or a normal phrase. These normal words somehow could make a large impact given that you use it in the right situation.

Let me give you an example. Imagine two guys and a girl vying for a piece of chocolate.

Girl: Boy A, give me that piece of chocolate. You should be a gentleman to girls okay.

Boy A: I won't give the only piece to anyone. Not even to you or to Boy B. I don't care.

Girl: oh please please please~~~~~ I really that piece of chocolate. Please~~~~(kneeling)

Boy A: Okay. But u must so something in order to get the chcolate.

Girl: Okay. I will do anything to get that piece of chocolate.

Boy A: You must give me a blowjob if you want this piece of chocolate. (pull down his pants)

Girl: erm....okay....but u must promise me to give me the chocolate.

Boy A: I promise...just suck my dick....

Girl: (sucks Boy A's dick)

Boy A: (after ejaculation) ahh~~~ yeah~~~ Good girl. Now you can have the only piece of chocolate.

Girl: Horray~~~ But i feel horny right now. I want to suck a dick again. It's just so kinky and yummy...

Boy B: (sensing an advantage) Okay....I let you suck my dick...

Girl: oh yeah...thanks boy B. I wanna taste your dick....Give it to me....Let me do it on you. I'm getting horny.....

Boy B: Not yet...you have to give me the piece of chocolate, then i'll let you suck my dick. Its a fair trade.

Girl: Okay....no problem (hands Boy B the chocolate and sucks Boy B's dick)

See. This is how the same, normal phrase being used in different situations to gain the appropriate advantage. Boy A gave away his chocolate and got a blowjob, which is a little rewarding. However when you look at Boy B, he not only gain the piece of chocolate, he even got a blowjob. Double gain.

So this is how you should talk. Speak the right words at the right time in the right place. It will make a big impact on people and may probably give you advantages

Pikachu's Super-Villain

2008-09-28T02:56:00.005+08:00

Okay, let's look at superheroes and super-villains. The most succesful hero is when it has a super-villain.

For example, Prof. Xavier (X-men) has a super-villain called magneto. Batman's super-villain is The Joker whereas Spiderman's super-villains are the Green Goblin, Venom and Dr. Octopus. Even the Superman has a super-villain, Doomsday, who ultimately killed him once.

These are the kind of superhero series that are ultimately succesful and lasted for generations. However, there is this recent cartoon thing called the Pokemon. It was highly succesful among kids with the song theme lyrics 'you teach me and i teach you...Pokemon~~~~'....yea right. It doesn't even teach the kids proper respect to animal rights by repeating 'gotta catch 'em all...' Animals, even pokemons, deserve basic animal rights. They can choose to say NO....just like humans. We practice basic human rights....by saying NO....

The main pokemon throughout the series is the yellow thing called Pikachiu or pikachu or watever the spelling is i don't care. I'm simply too smart to even bother spelling it right.

This Pikachu thing doesn't really have a super-villian to ultimately counter it. So i design and wrote a new super-villain to ultimately kill it or even severely affect it. I designed that ultimate character and sent it to the Pikachu creators for consideration.

What's the super-villian? I'll tell you. Imagine, everytime Ash throws the ball-thing and shouted "GO PIKACHU!!!" and pops out a Pikachu. When it is my turn to compete with it, i will throw the ball thing and yell louder:"

"GO~~~~~~~ PIKA-FUCKER-CHU~~~~~~~~~!!!!!"

THAT will be the perfect ultimate supervillain of all Pokemon series to ultimately destroy the 'heroic' yellow shitless thing.

During the duel, when Pikachu strikes a lightning bolt to Pika-FUCKER-chu, my supervillain will absorb the energy and enlarges its dick. So no matter how many times the Pikachu strikes the lightning, it will only make my supervillain stronger in its weapon, THE DICK.

When Pika-FUCKER-chu gets its dick big enough, it will make the final and the ultimate BACKLASH. It will sprint forward like lightning and strikes hard into the pussy or anus of Pikachu (depending on its gender), rendering Pikachu to be powerless and horny. The loud and brave sounding of the Pika language will change into a horny sound of "Pi~~ka~~~". At this very moment, Pikachu is psychologically destryoed and resort to SELF-DESTRUCTION. It may make itself into sexual maniac, morally degraded, or even suicidal due to the fact that its being raped.

The reason why i design my ULTIMATE supervillain in such a way is because besides teaching kids on robbing away basic animal rights (gotta catch 'em all slogan), my Pika-FUCKER-chu will also teach and show imprtant information about sexual education. It will increase the awareness of sex.

Besides, Pika-FUCKER-chu will tell the adverse effects of rape and unprotected sex. Through this method, very young kids will begin to understand the adverse negative impact of rape and also the dangers of unprotected sex. This way will help curb pre-marital sex, unwanted pregnancy, STDs as well as rape cases.

You see, this is a perfect super-villain for the Pokemon series. It will even spread its popularity towards the grown-ups because it could serve mild erotica. This results in increase in TV viewers of the series. This is simply perfect.

Here, i have showed my intelligence. I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON ON THE FLAT SURFACE OF THE EARTH. No questions ask. Undoubtfully correct and ultimately accurate fact. Even apples cannot come close to my level of intelligence. This earth needs more humans as smart as me....

My Intro, as I'm smart enough to write one

2008-09-26T03:33:00.005+08:00

Hey there all. Guess what?

C'mon just guess.

What? You can't guess???

Well, that just concluded you are an idiot. Because you can't guess a guess-what.

Guess what, "I'm the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth".

Nice huh? If you can't even guess that I'm the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth, you're a failure.

Repeat after me, say it, "I'm the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth". Good.

Nonono, you don't say "YOU'RE the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth", you should say "I'm the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth". Idiot.

My name? OMG you don't know?? I'm the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth, you should know what!! OMG how stupid you are.

I'm not gonna tell you you idiot. My name is too smart for you to know.

Anyway, as I'm the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth, I did great stuffs. Like walking. From my chair to the refrigerator. Clever right? I know, as I'm the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth.

Being the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth, is not an easy job. I have to deal with my smart brain all the time, and deal with alot of idiots.

I'll tell you more about what happen to me, the most smartest human being ever born on the flat surface of the earth.

I am SMARTER than an APPLE

Holy Fuck

Mitsubishi Evo vs Girls

Please Don't Bring Back Racism

RM440,000 per CCTV

Left 4 Dead 2 Blowjob Poster

It Reaches Back To Me. Say No To Vengeance

True meaning of BMW: Banyak Makan Wang

General Living Patterns of a University Student

Inflation

30 years ago, u tell your son to be a millionaire. 30 years later, your son became a millionaire, but he is still a poor man. So, your son will tell your grandson 30 years later to be a BILLIONAIRE. Ah, the inflation...!!!

Weapons Police Use Against Suspects

Dexter’s Laboratory The Big Cheese Parody with some Politician

Vote for Politicians of Adultery! Hail Adultery!

Earth Hour is for Sex

Fucked Up Country

Proudly Announcing: The First Caning of Muslim Women in Malaysia! (we love threesome fetish…)

Mindless FAGGOT!!! *angry*

Ma-lay-sia, can i say ji-had?

Normal Human vs Artistic Human

The Addams Family

Be Yourself

New Year

Normal Human vs. Petrolhead

Chicken-and-Egg Problem

Curiosity Kills the Cat (Fun with English Quotes)

Library for the Mute

String of Bad Luck

Garfield and a Cat

Driving

Prince And A Frog (Short Fairy Tale)

Once a Moron, Twice a Moron

Point of View

What Teddy Fuck (WTF): Can’t reach there himself

Ong Tee Keat vs. Chua Soi Lek

………

Crash of a Kind

Editor’s Note (Joke)

Quote of The Day

Sex Dialogue

Bush Conspiracy Generator (my favourite)

Barack Obama Quotes

Driving Safety Tips Part 1

A Test of Brain

Uneducated Triumph

The Spring, The Helmet, The Return of The Dominator

What Makes a Successful Person

Nothing Much but BRAINS

Professionally Dumb

Quote of The Day

PORN: 2nd Popular Topic After Jews

Dummies Guide to be a Good Manager

Cucumber

Increasing Rat Suicidal Rate

Quote of The Day

Quote

Train Thought 2

The Irony

Earth Day

Malaysian Political Mathematical Formula

Train Thoughts

Ashes to Glory

Do You Know How To Say ‘NO’?

True Colours of Colour

The Powers of Sex

Career Saving Tips: How to Avoid Retrenchment

Horny Zombie

Sadism

The Zoo of The Dead (Zombie Horror)

2009 New Wish List

Name of Meat

Code Words

Cat Sex

Anti-War Phrase

Crocs in Shopping Malls

Political Rants

Jalan Alor, Jalan Kejora; Mr. You, Mr. Face

Brain Overview

Count To Zero

The Replacement F Word

Mindless FAGGOT!!! angry