Thursday, June 25, 2009

Dummies Guide to be a Good Manager

There are a number of things that you need to habitually do in order to become a successful manager of any company. This is some simple guidelines for dummies who wanted to be a top and effective manager.

In this post, i shall share with you some guidelines that can help you to be a good manager.

1) Shout and Scold

This is the most fundamental characteristic as a good manager. In the animal kingdom, before an animal fight starts, a duel of roars occurs to measure which is the loudest. The loudest is the most fearsome and bravest.

So when come to human application, scold and shout your people to show who is the boss. Any little mistake, scold them ‘till they’re shitless. Let them have it. Then they’ll know to bow to you. Be a man. Make the shouts!

2) Have Sex With Your Female Subordinates

This is especially effective in giving a morale boost to female subordinates. You need to give them the boost of confidence and passion.

Having sex with them is more or less like controlling them. They will listen to you like a good dog and do virtually everything for you. Beside, letting them have the ultimate sexual satisfaction gives them confidence.

3) Just Say NO

Sometimes, no, MOST of the time you have to cruel. You have to keep say no to any requests so that your subordinates won’t get a feet on you.

But there is one exception: You must always say YES when a good looking subordinate wants to have sex with you. This complies to the second tip of this guide.

These are the three magical tips form the smartest man on the FLAT surface of the earth!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Cucumber

Cucumber is a vegetable. Good for health.

Besides health, it is also the cheapest double-ended dildo you can find anywhere.

cucumber

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Increasing Rat Suicidal Rate

There is an increase in rat suicidal rate. You might notice that you can spot a higher number of rats and cats dying on the streets. Ever wonder why?

The reason is simple. This is due to the economic downturn.

So how does an economic downturn relates to the increase of dead rats?

Economic downturn forces multinational companies to retrench employees by millions. Millions of people have lost their jobs and only a handful of them managed to find jobs.

Even with stimulus packages being passed throughout the world, retrenched people still take time to find jobs. Companies are unwilling to spend so much to employ people.

This results them to be beggars, sleeping on the streets and, worst comes to worst, eating leftover food.

Now, you can see the competition between humans and rats competing for food. Since humans are the most superior beings on earth, rats tend to have less food. This results in increase death rate of rats by starvation and death fighting for food.

While rats are increasingly dying, it may be good news for humans. Decreasing of parasites. Cats, however, are unharmed by the decreasing numbers of cats because humans love cats. They are willing to share the food with cats.

For the people who are afraid of rats, there is something to be happy about despite the economic downturn: decreasing number of rats.

This is the expert analysis of the smartest human being on the flat surface of the earth.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Quote of The Day

If everyone is like me, the world will be a be a much better place.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Quote

I have absolutely no worries about money all the time….until I'm running out of money.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Train Thought 2

Once, in a commuter. Sitting on the seat, noticed a lady entered the commuter upon arrival at a station. Back facing, she looks hot. Thoughts flew in…

Thought: Hey lady, can you please sit beside me?

As she turn around in my direction to take her seat…

Thought: Oh MAN, please don’t sit beside me….

The Irony

When a kid fails his test...

Situation A

Parents : Oh honey it's ok, we know you tried your best, and we don't really care about your result, as long as you know you'd tried your best.

Kid : NO MOM IT'S NOT OK!! I can't fail! No I can't! I need to get straight A's or else how am I going to compete with that Bryan nerd! I need to get that scholarship! NO I MUST GO STUDY NOW! DON'T CALL ME FOR DINNER! URGH....

Situation B

Parents : WHAT??? FAIL?? Oh you're such a disgrace! Now what I have to tell the whole neighbourhood? That I have an idiot for a son??? NO! YOU'RE GROUNDED! NO TV, NO MUSIC! Unless you give me straight A's and get into that Uni or else your life is going to be hell!!

Kid : Screw the A's, I don't need them. Sorry dad but I think the whole thing about school is truely wasting my time. See ya, oh and don't call me for dinner, I'll be on my guitar before you start grounding me.


You can start pairing Nobita's Mom with Fred/George and Snow-White-Mother-version with Hermione.