In a kitchen, suddenly came a monster and scared a chef...
Monster: Fee Foh Fuh~~ I smell food...
Chef: AAAARRRgh~~ Please! Please don't harm me.... I beg for you mercy.... Please! I'll cook for you anything but don't make me suffer... I beg for mercy....
Monster: Fee Foh Fuh~~ You shall cook for me something nice! Or else.... you shall SUFFER!
Chef: Yes! Yes i will.....
The Chef then cooked a really nice dish for the Monster...
Monster: Hmm.....Fee Foh *burp* Fuh~~ Your dish is very very nice! BUT YOU SHALL SUFFER!!!!
Chef: But why?! Why must i suffer? I beg for mercy! I cooked a very nice dish for you!
Monster: I'm asking for NICE food, not 'VERY NICE' food! Fee Foh Fuh~~ SUFFER!!!!!
Chef: NO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!
*end*
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Zoo of The Dead (Zombie Horror)
A BIG truck loaded FULL of radioactive waste was once driving along a road when a cat runs across its path. The truck hit cat with a bang and the driver swerves off the road, smashes past a natural ramp, and into a massive zoo packed with People and Animals. The people there have no idea what happened when the Big Truck crashed into it and the waste leaked out, which killed or contaminated the helpess people and animals.
Four hours later, nothing can be heard from the zoo. The place is sealed and an area two kilometres radius around the zoo is quarantined.
Hours later, confused by the silence, the military sends in a Hazmat team. The team consists of FIVE highly trained specialists with a lot of experience with radioactive substances and, of course, guns. (What kind of special ops fella doesn't know how to use a gun?) Delivered into the site by a truck, they gear themselves up with pistols, SMGs, shotguns, Geiger counters (classic for all stories involving radioactive stuff), and a crowbar, just in case one of them needs to do the Gordon Freeman thing...(Half-Life game fans should know) They blow a part of the surrounding wall, which will later serve as an exit point, and step into the place.
At first glance, it looks as though the place is deserted, as the usual cheerful zoo had suddenly turned dark and gloomy. Another notable thing is that the Geiger counters started going haywire as soon as they broke the wall; something unexpected as radiation passes the rather thin concrete wall as easily as light passing through air.
Treading carefully in their radiation suits, they ready their UMP.45s and make their way toward one of the buildings. (I'm bad with names so the squad members will be named Dude 1, Dude 2, Dude 3, Dude 4, and Gal 1, as one of them is female; a staple for any zombie horror story) Dude 1 kicks open the door after finding it locked, and the five rush in to clear the area.
Inside the room, they find that it is quite empty, apart from a few corpses and some junk stuff. Dude 3, who had a lot of experience with dead bodies, examined them and concluded that they died after being beaten up really badly by something no one knew at the moment. They radio their find to their commander, who notifies them that a UAV sweep of the area confirmed that the leaking waste caused horrible mutations to all living things that survived the contamination, which explains the faint weird noises heard occasionally. Dude 2 swears, as he was not very good with guns, compared to his fellow operatives.
Moving on, they search the other levels, finding nothing but more corpses and dead animals. Before being alerted by their leader that there's a mutated gorrila which he calls a Karate Gorrila. Dude 3 was amused: "Karate gorrila? karate my ass!" Suddenly, the door behind them bursts off their hinges and Karate Gorrila roars into the room, completely unaffected by the rounds being pumped from the suprised team's UMPs. The massive gorrila roars again and charges towards a screaming Dude 3, who drops his UMP and pulls out his 20-gauge shotgun and shoots it in the face, before being knocked over and split into two after Karate-ed his ass by the deranged monster. Freaking out, the team escapes the building and and scattered from the ambush. Dude 1 radioss everyone to meet up at the place where the truck crashed, collecting samples and information along the way.
The last the team hears of Dude 1 is when his radio goes haywire with gunshots, wails, moans, and all sorts of unearthly voices before the radio dies out and Dude 1 stops responding.
Dude 2 moves along a silent corridor, his reflexes on superspeed after being ambushed by another horrible big gorrila and a number of zombies, all of them who are horribly deformed. After killing zombie after zombie, Dude 2 is convinced that the mutations are making them tougher, as he can swear that he just emptied a full magazine of bullets into a zombie's head and still failing to kill it. Now armed with only his shotgun, which only has 5 shells left, and his Five-seveN, with five clips of armor-piercing rounds remaining, he opens a door and is greeted by five more Mutated Zombies. Dude 2 successfully kills them, using up his shotgun shells and 45 5.7mm Five-seveN rounds. To his relief, the room turns out to be a security office, and the place is full of shotgun ammo. Gratefully loading 8 shells into his Benelli M4 semi-auto shotgun and trading his empty UMP for room for 48 additional shells. Now fully armed with his shotgun and at least 200 shells at his disposal, Dude2 moves on, mowing down zombies by the dozens and quickly using up his supply of ammo.
After fighting off a particularly large wave of zombies at the truck crash site, the reloading Dude 2 is warned by the commander that there's a Laser Parrot with horrible laser eyes. Laughing at what appeared to be a joke, Dude 2 is caught completely off-guard when a monkey, Surgery Chimp drops off a vent and hurls a razor sharp knife at the back of his head, killing him instantly.
Now with three men dead, Dude 4 and Gal 1 moves towards their objective, with hardly any bullets left. Just before catching up with Gal 1, Dude 4 stumbled across bodies of a few soldiers. Confused, he radios out his finding, swapped his SPAS-12 for a G36 assault rifle, and moves on.
The G36 turns out to be a really fun weapon for Dude 4. Using just 30 rounds, Dude 4 managed to down two dozen zombies and managed to temporarily incapacitate Mutated Gorrila with a well placed shot to the knee. Now moving along with Gal 1, they found themselves talking about the situation...
Dude4: This really looks like some horror movie or something. You watch them?
Gal1: I only watched one, from there I knew one thing; If you wanna survive a horror movie, NO SEX.
Dude4: Aww, come on. I feel like it already!
Gal1: Okay. For once, let's give in to something more primitive.
After one REALLY wild making out session...
Gal1: You know, we shouldn't have taken off our gas masks, the smell's getting to me.
Dude4: *lying on the table* yeah.... do you think we should check the vents-- *spots a corpse right above him* BLOODY HELL!!!
The corpse is not another corpse. After being killed brutally by Surgery Chimp, Dude 2 was dragged up along the vents, cut up really nicely by the chimp, and dumped down at Dude4, who yells out in horror. Right at that moment, Laser Parrot flies in and unleashed a massive laser beam, killing Gal1. Just before dying, Gal1 managed to land a 9mm round into the parrot's head, causing it to burst. Dude4 has survived because he is shielded by Dude2's bloody corpse, which is now barely identifiable as a human figure. Now with nothing to fight for other than his own survival, Dude4 salvages whatever guns and ammo he can find in the room, and makes a mental-list of everything he has:
Weapons:
1. Glock 18 9mm silenced with 52 bullets remaining
2. Five-seveN 5.7mm with 21 bullets remaining
3. Colt. M1911 45.ACP without any bullets
4. MP5-SD 9mm with 136 bullets left
5. UMP .45 with 12 shots remaining
6. G36 5.56mm with only one bullet left
7. Benelli M4 Super 90 12 gauge with 4 shells
8. 4 Molotovs
9. 3 Frag Grenades
10. Incendiaries
11. Flashbangs (completely useless)
12. 5 Knives with varying features
Gear:
1. 4 Kevlar vests (just in case)
2. helmet
3. the usual stuff (Undise, socks, shoes, pants, etc.)
4. Medkit
a. 3 shots of morphine
b. lots of bandages and things I don't know
5. Some water and MRE (Meals Ready to Eat)
6. Pizza!!!
7. Beer!!!
8. A nice keychain (giftshops rule!)
9. My hands (They're some REAL weapons!)
Like everyone'll say, it's a list WAY too long for anyone's liking. But then again, if you don't keep track of what you have, you can't come up with good tactics. Anyway, on his way out, Dude4 passes another squad of dead soldiers, and picks up a M249 SAW machine gun, with 100 FULL AMMO! Cheering madly, Dude4 attracts a group of zombies, which is easily dealt with the SAW. Half running, Dude4 passes a playground and see a group of zombies fight with Karate Gorrila. Dude4 gets an idea: "Karate Gorrila, karate all the zombies in this place!!!", and the gorrila sets off to work, hunting down and splitting every zombie in half. Dude4 follows it quietly, silently cheering as the gorrila mows down a path for him. After killing about 300 zombies, the gorrila suddenly falls on its front. To Dude4's horror, the gorrila is kiled by a scalpel from Surgery Chimp! The chimp sees him and leers malevolently, jumping out of sight as soon as Dude4 squeezes the trigger on his MP5. Dude4 glances around him, and realizes he is actually around a fountain, which now serves as an arena for a showdown between him and a chimp. The chimp strikes again from nowhere, breaking the suppressor on his MP5 and making it useless. Without any time to think, Dude4 throws away his MP5 and switches to his shotgun, ready to burp out death at the demented chimp. Another knife flies out from nowhere, richocheting off Dude4's helmet and lodging itself at the fountain. Feeling as though a flashbang just went off near him, Dude4 pulls out one of them from his pocket. Hoping he was lucky, he pulled the pin, threw it as high as he can, shut his eyes and ears, and crouches down. A deafening bang follows, and Dude4 quickly gets up and starts shooting. The chimp, with its mutated brain hearing the shots, assumed that its prey has just stunned itself. jumping out of nowhere and landing in front of Dude4, it suddenly regretted showing itself like that. Before it could do anything else, the chimp got killed by a single bullet from Dude4's G36. Discarding the rifle, Dude4 pulls out his Five-seveN and moves on.
Nearing the exit point, Dude4 overhears a horrifying exchange from a receiver: a chopper armed with an experimental warhead will reach the zoo in less than 30 seconds, and that the whole place will be destroyed. Dropping his guns, Dude4 makes a wild dash towards the exit point, but before he could get to it, his vision flashes a brilliant white light and his ears pick up a massive roar of a massive explosion. Without immediately knowing, the warhead had been delivered ahead of schedule, and he's being propelled by the shockwave away from the zoo, towards a nearby building...
TO BE CONTINUED...?
Four hours later, nothing can be heard from the zoo. The place is sealed and an area two kilometres radius around the zoo is quarantined.
Hours later, confused by the silence, the military sends in a Hazmat team. The team consists of FIVE highly trained specialists with a lot of experience with radioactive substances and, of course, guns. (What kind of special ops fella doesn't know how to use a gun?) Delivered into the site by a truck, they gear themselves up with pistols, SMGs, shotguns, Geiger counters (classic for all stories involving radioactive stuff), and a crowbar, just in case one of them needs to do the Gordon Freeman thing...(Half-Life game fans should know) They blow a part of the surrounding wall, which will later serve as an exit point, and step into the place.
At first glance, it looks as though the place is deserted, as the usual cheerful zoo had suddenly turned dark and gloomy. Another notable thing is that the Geiger counters started going haywire as soon as they broke the wall; something unexpected as radiation passes the rather thin concrete wall as easily as light passing through air.
Treading carefully in their radiation suits, they ready their UMP.45s and make their way toward one of the buildings. (I'm bad with names so the squad members will be named Dude 1, Dude 2, Dude 3, Dude 4, and Gal 1, as one of them is female; a staple for any zombie horror story) Dude 1 kicks open the door after finding it locked, and the five rush in to clear the area.
Inside the room, they find that it is quite empty, apart from a few corpses and some junk stuff. Dude 3, who had a lot of experience with dead bodies, examined them and concluded that they died after being beaten up really badly by something no one knew at the moment. They radio their find to their commander, who notifies them that a UAV sweep of the area confirmed that the leaking waste caused horrible mutations to all living things that survived the contamination, which explains the faint weird noises heard occasionally. Dude 2 swears, as he was not very good with guns, compared to his fellow operatives.
Moving on, they search the other levels, finding nothing but more corpses and dead animals. Before being alerted by their leader that there's a mutated gorrila which he calls a Karate Gorrila. Dude 3 was amused: "Karate gorrila? karate my ass!" Suddenly, the door behind them bursts off their hinges and Karate Gorrila roars into the room, completely unaffected by the rounds being pumped from the suprised team's UMPs. The massive gorrila roars again and charges towards a screaming Dude 3, who drops his UMP and pulls out his 20-gauge shotgun and shoots it in the face, before being knocked over and split into two after Karate-ed his ass by the deranged monster. Freaking out, the team escapes the building and and scattered from the ambush. Dude 1 radioss everyone to meet up at the place where the truck crashed, collecting samples and information along the way.
The last the team hears of Dude 1 is when his radio goes haywire with gunshots, wails, moans, and all sorts of unearthly voices before the radio dies out and Dude 1 stops responding.
Dude 2 moves along a silent corridor, his reflexes on superspeed after being ambushed by another horrible big gorrila and a number of zombies, all of them who are horribly deformed. After killing zombie after zombie, Dude 2 is convinced that the mutations are making them tougher, as he can swear that he just emptied a full magazine of bullets into a zombie's head and still failing to kill it. Now armed with only his shotgun, which only has 5 shells left, and his Five-seveN, with five clips of armor-piercing rounds remaining, he opens a door and is greeted by five more Mutated Zombies. Dude 2 successfully kills them, using up his shotgun shells and 45 5.7mm Five-seveN rounds. To his relief, the room turns out to be a security office, and the place is full of shotgun ammo. Gratefully loading 8 shells into his Benelli M4 semi-auto shotgun and trading his empty UMP for room for 48 additional shells. Now fully armed with his shotgun and at least 200 shells at his disposal, Dude2 moves on, mowing down zombies by the dozens and quickly using up his supply of ammo.
After fighting off a particularly large wave of zombies at the truck crash site, the reloading Dude 2 is warned by the commander that there's a Laser Parrot with horrible laser eyes. Laughing at what appeared to be a joke, Dude 2 is caught completely off-guard when a monkey, Surgery Chimp drops off a vent and hurls a razor sharp knife at the back of his head, killing him instantly.
Now with three men dead, Dude 4 and Gal 1 moves towards their objective, with hardly any bullets left. Just before catching up with Gal 1, Dude 4 stumbled across bodies of a few soldiers. Confused, he radios out his finding, swapped his SPAS-12 for a G36 assault rifle, and moves on.
The G36 turns out to be a really fun weapon for Dude 4. Using just 30 rounds, Dude 4 managed to down two dozen zombies and managed to temporarily incapacitate Mutated Gorrila with a well placed shot to the knee. Now moving along with Gal 1, they found themselves talking about the situation...
Dude4: This really looks like some horror movie or something. You watch them?
Gal1: I only watched one, from there I knew one thing; If you wanna survive a horror movie, NO SEX.
Dude4: Aww, come on. I feel like it already!
Gal1: Okay. For once, let's give in to something more primitive.
After one REALLY wild making out session...
Gal1: You know, we shouldn't have taken off our gas masks, the smell's getting to me.
Dude4: *lying on the table* yeah.... do you think we should check the vents-- *spots a corpse right above him* BLOODY HELL!!!
The corpse is not another corpse. After being killed brutally by Surgery Chimp, Dude 2 was dragged up along the vents, cut up really nicely by the chimp, and dumped down at Dude4, who yells out in horror. Right at that moment, Laser Parrot flies in and unleashed a massive laser beam, killing Gal1. Just before dying, Gal1 managed to land a 9mm round into the parrot's head, causing it to burst. Dude4 has survived because he is shielded by Dude2's bloody corpse, which is now barely identifiable as a human figure. Now with nothing to fight for other than his own survival, Dude4 salvages whatever guns and ammo he can find in the room, and makes a mental-list of everything he has:
Weapons:
1. Glock 18 9mm silenced with 52 bullets remaining
2. Five-seveN 5.7mm with 21 bullets remaining
3. Colt. M1911 45.ACP without any bullets
4. MP5-SD 9mm with 136 bullets left
5. UMP .45 with 12 shots remaining
6. G36 5.56mm with only one bullet left
7. Benelli M4 Super 90 12 gauge with 4 shells
8. 4 Molotovs
9. 3 Frag Grenades
10. Incendiaries
11. Flashbangs (completely useless)
12. 5 Knives with varying features
Gear:
1. 4 Kevlar vests (just in case)
2. helmet
3. the usual stuff (Undise, socks, shoes, pants, etc.)
4. Medkit
a. 3 shots of morphine
b. lots of bandages and things I don't know
5. Some water and MRE (Meals Ready to Eat)
6. Pizza!!!
7. Beer!!!
8. A nice keychain (giftshops rule!)
9. My hands (They're some REAL weapons!)
Like everyone'll say, it's a list WAY too long for anyone's liking. But then again, if you don't keep track of what you have, you can't come up with good tactics. Anyway, on his way out, Dude4 passes another squad of dead soldiers, and picks up a M249 SAW machine gun, with 100 FULL AMMO! Cheering madly, Dude4 attracts a group of zombies, which is easily dealt with the SAW. Half running, Dude4 passes a playground and see a group of zombies fight with Karate Gorrila. Dude4 gets an idea: "Karate Gorrila, karate all the zombies in this place!!!", and the gorrila sets off to work, hunting down and splitting every zombie in half. Dude4 follows it quietly, silently cheering as the gorrila mows down a path for him. After killing about 300 zombies, the gorrila suddenly falls on its front. To Dude4's horror, the gorrila is kiled by a scalpel from Surgery Chimp! The chimp sees him and leers malevolently, jumping out of sight as soon as Dude4 squeezes the trigger on his MP5. Dude4 glances around him, and realizes he is actually around a fountain, which now serves as an arena for a showdown between him and a chimp. The chimp strikes again from nowhere, breaking the suppressor on his MP5 and making it useless. Without any time to think, Dude4 throws away his MP5 and switches to his shotgun, ready to burp out death at the demented chimp. Another knife flies out from nowhere, richocheting off Dude4's helmet and lodging itself at the fountain. Feeling as though a flashbang just went off near him, Dude4 pulls out one of them from his pocket. Hoping he was lucky, he pulled the pin, threw it as high as he can, shut his eyes and ears, and crouches down. A deafening bang follows, and Dude4 quickly gets up and starts shooting. The chimp, with its mutated brain hearing the shots, assumed that its prey has just stunned itself. jumping out of nowhere and landing in front of Dude4, it suddenly regretted showing itself like that. Before it could do anything else, the chimp got killed by a single bullet from Dude4's G36. Discarding the rifle, Dude4 pulls out his Five-seveN and moves on.
Nearing the exit point, Dude4 overhears a horrifying exchange from a receiver: a chopper armed with an experimental warhead will reach the zoo in less than 30 seconds, and that the whole place will be destroyed. Dropping his guns, Dude4 makes a wild dash towards the exit point, but before he could get to it, his vision flashes a brilliant white light and his ears pick up a massive roar of a massive explosion. Without immediately knowing, the warhead had been delivered ahead of schedule, and he's being propelled by the shockwave away from the zoo, towards a nearby building...
TO BE CONTINUED...?
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