Once a Moron, Twice a Moron

This is a real incident. Two guys are bored and had nothing to do. So, one guy had a random thought to cure the boredom a little bit.

A: If i had a gun, i’ll point the gun at my head and pull the trigger.

B: Okay. So, what will you do after that?

A: *dumb struck* I said, i’ll pull the trigger of the gun into my head!

B: yeah~~. So, what you gonna do next?

A: Maybe you don’t understand. Let me show you what i meant. (holds a sign of a gun with his hands, points to his head and yelled). BANG!

B: oh….oh…okay. I understand. So, what will you do after that?

…

Point of View

One day in Malaysia, person A and B scrolls through the Astro channel in search of a good show. Then, he switched to sports channel where there is a live telecast of the Denmark Open doubles finals:

A: It’s the finals! *excited*

B: Who versus who?

A: I think it is Denmark vs Malaysia.

B: So, which is the Denmark pair, which is the Malaysian pair?

A: The ones with the weird names are the Danish. The ones with the normal and familiar names are our men, Malaysians.

At the same time on the other side of the globe, in Denmark. A two guys stumbled on a channel showing the doubles finals. They were excited but confused and they would say the exact same thing……

What Teddy Fuck (WTF): Can’t reach there himself

Ong Tee Keat vs. Chua Soi Lek

Ong: I am the MCA president. You, Chua, cannot challenge nor move me away.

Chua: You are incapable and you are not doing anything for the MCA. It is no use to sit on the position. I will call for VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE!!

Ong: You are in no position to do so. Nobody will follow you because you had a SEXUAL AFFAIR! Who wants to follow a man who is in a sex scandal DVD, having sex with other young chick!

Chua: The sex scandal is a SET UP! Somebody had violated my privacy. Besides, at least i have made many contributions to society and people are willing to give me another chance. What about you? You have done NOTHING!

Ong: Who said i have done nothing. I have uncovered your secret SEX affair to expose the sinister side in you!

Chua: Oh~~~ So YOU are the one who taped the sex video and throw me out of MCA. I am going to TAKE ACTION AGAINST YOU!

Ong: (oops, i screwed up…)

(Recent EGM result was that Ong Tee Keat got voted no confidence and that Chua Soi Lek had failed to mount a challenge on Ong for the presidency post, not even the VP. However, Chua was voted back into MCA as a member.)

………

Patience

Crash of a Kind

I met an accident in my BMW 318i (E46). The following is a sequence of events of my accident.

1. Rushing for work. sprinting on the highway.
2. took the leftest lane and break hard upon a slow car.
3. spot a tight space at the middle lane. a chance to dash through to the right lane.
4. let go of brakes and turn right hard for a quick lane-switch.
5. rear tires lost grip.
6. fish-tail right towards right lane. attempt counter-steering manoeuvre.
7. car switch direction to the left. rear tires still failed to get into grips. fish-tails to the left.
8. Attempt counter-steering again but too late. crashed into the right side of a perodua kelisa at the middle lane.
9. car begins 360-spin clockwise. Attempt 360 steering manoeuvre for a controlled spin at the right lane.
10. car loses momentum at about 280 degrees. front end does not have enough momentum to spin back into place. dabbed the brakes, rear right wheel caught a knock on the centre highway divider.
11. car back in control.
12. parks on the left emergency lane and inspect damage.
13. Perodua Kelisa has the right part totalled. both right doors are damaged beyond operational conditions. B-pillar is slightly deformed.
14. my car, front left ‘facial’ damage. left lights, left dents on engine hood and left quarter panel, left part of bumper sheared and slightly deformed.

What i have learned:

I used to adore the Nissan 370Z. Since this crash, i don’t like the nissan anymore. If i were driving the Nissan, my front bumper might have thrown to the other side of the highway. I’ve become a loyal fan of BMW 3 series from then on.

Don’t buy a Perodua Kelisa. The body structure is really weak. If i failed to control the car properly or failed to minimize the damage, or a go out of hand at an even higher speeds, the structure could have collapsed.

Inspect your tires before travelling fast. If your mechanic says it’s worn out, he’s right. But i forgot about my worn-out rear tires. So, improve your memory.

Believe in unexpected fate. The guy i crashed is someone from JB. Nice guy. He’ll bring on a tour around JB or even get me a good hotel if i’m heading there for a holiday. by the way, JB is not as dangerous as what the newspapers said. It’s anytime safer than KL.

Not posting any pictures of the crash.